i have been seeing a guy now for 3 and a half years, he is in a relationship, with 2 young children. When we first got together i knew about this, and accepted that fact, that was 3 years ago, we are very close, before he had financial problems i would see him all the time 3 or 4 times a week, but he lives 40 miles from me, so the petrol prices and financial matters at home took hold, and he couldnt get over to see me as much, sometimes would be 6 weeks or so before i see him.
We chatted online every night, or emailed each other at work or he would ring me…….. so very close, and i love him a lot. 2 weeks ago, he called me on a sunday night, and said that he had left her (things had been on the verge of this for a few months) he had nowhere to go, so like a good friend i invited him to stay with me for the night and although he ummd and arrrd, he did eventually come over and stay with me the night, he left for home the next day, looking for somewhere to live as he had left his family home….
i txt him later that day, but i got no reply, in fact i got no reply all week to any of my txts, i was heartbroken, i couldnt understand why he was not answering me… i sent him 4 texts on sunday, a week after he had left her, and got no answer….. then monday i got a txt back, saying he had turned his phone off for some isolation, to sort his head out… he had not gone back to her, he was at his brothers…. i txt him back saying i would take a back seat for now, let him get sorted, and told him he knows where i am if he needs me….. that was a week ago… he has not contacted me again… as u can imagine, i have never gone this long without speaking to him for 3 years.. its killing me… i keep wanting to txt him again to see how he is… but if he doesnt answer me i will be even more depressed…
my question is really, is this normal for a man to just not talk to the person he has been speaking to for 3 years….. i guess its a huge thing to walk out of a 14 year relationship and leave your 2 young kids too…. but should he at least let me know whats going on? should i txt him? should i just wait till he contacts me? will he contact me?
Your advice would be much appreciated…. do you think i should try and forget him…. its soooo hard.
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I started seeing my boyfriend about 2 years ago but had known him a few weeks prior to this. He was always making me laugh and I honestly thought I had found my “perfect man.” Now however, I think I can finally see him for what he really is and I am so scared I don’t know what to do.
He is now 21 and I am 19.
It all started about 6 months ago, we started arguing A LOT, and it led me to go into a mild depression. The man of my dreams didn’t seem to care really, he said he would try and not argue and it would last a day or two then the arguing would come back. Looking back though, there are a few things I could have done to help as well like not moan as much. But really, I think or I thought that I was giving him all he needed. I was basically just buying him things so that he didn’t argue with me or lending him money so that he wouldn’t moan. He would never ever buy me something spontaneously and I would be lucky if he would even buy me a bottle of juice at the shop. He said it was because he was a student – with no job, trying to live of his bursary. However, when I left school, I started college – but only briefly, I left 5 months in – I got a part time job in a shop and never had a bursary yet I still had enough money coming in every week to buy both me and him things and get out at the weekend.
The thing is, this guys parents basically brought him up to think that it’s okay to not get/ keep a job. His dad was an alcoholic who was in jail from when my boyfriend was 4 until 7/8ish, and is now a frequent gambler. And his mum, as nice as she is didn’t seem to bother about bettering herself. She married young (16) got pregnant young (17) and stayed with her husband through everything and now works as a cleaner and spends all her money at the bingo.
I have always been brought up to try and aim for things in life and to try and better yourself and it really annoys me when I know my boyfriend could be doing something better with his life etc but gives up at the first hurdle because he has never been made to try. He left school at 15 with next to no qualifications and now his parents just laugh at him and say I told you so when they could have been helping him in the first place.
Anyway, I am not here to rant about his parents, I am here for my own problem with him and it is basically that he hits me. I can’t remember exactly when it started, as I say, I think it may have been about 6 months ago. I don’t remember why it happened, but I know that we were probably arguing about me “leaving him” one night (I went out with my friends one night when he was ill and he went crazy because I wasn’t with him!!) Anyway, it’s basically always like one rule for me and no rules for him. He feels that he can get away with mistreating me or taking things out on me which I have entirely no control of at all – like if it is raining.
But I am totally sick off it!! The last time we argued was Saturday and this is what has made me decide he is not worthy of me anymore but the thing is I don’t know how to tell him or what to do as he keeps threatening me if I attempt to leave.
Saturday: We had stayed in on Friday night as I had just bought him an x-box 360 with Fifa 09 and when I got up on Saturday, he was still asleep so I went in the shower, washed my hair, got dressed and put some make up on – not something I normally do but I fancied a change! When he got up however, he noticed that I had make up on and kept saying to me “why you got that all over your face” etc. I assumed that he was just having a laugh as I do not normally wear it.
He asked me if I wanted breakfast and I followed him in to the kitchen where he suddenly snapped, shouting at me about there being nothing to eat – I could not help this as we were in his house, not mine! I followed him back to his room where he sat on the bed and basically told me that I was nothing but a fat mess and he is disgusted by the size of me and that he does not want to go out with someone fatter than him, I told him if he cared that much why did he not just dump me and he said he isn’t going to just now but if I don’t lose a stone in a month he will.
I couldn’t believe that someone that used to be so nice and tell me I was beautiful etc was saying this about me – he has never commented on my weight before!! I wanted the ground to swallow me up, I just felt so embarrassed so I told him I was leaving but he jumped up and locked his room door and took the key leaving me trapped. We argued for a bit and I was crying, he kept telling me that I was a baby and that I should shut up and he started throwing things at me. I remember something hit me in the stomach but I am not sure what it was and now I have a huge bruise their and it is a dark purple/ blue colour. I lifted my top slightly to see if I was cut or anything as the pain was unbearable and he shouted at me “that’s just stretch marks fatty there’s no marks.”
I started crying again, and he grabbed my hair and dragged me over to the bed, as I tried to struggle free I scratched his neck and he went ballistic, he hit me a couple of times to the face and now I have a small bruise on my chin and a bite mark on my cheek. I don’t remember much off our fight, or what it was about. I just remember mostly me sitting crying on the ground and him saying horrible things and hitting me. I also have 2 huge bruises on my shin and one big bruise on my thigh. I am asthmatic and I was finding it hard to catch my breath from all the fighting and crying and I genuinely was needing my inhaler but he didn’t want to let me move to get my bag to get my inhaler.
My breathing eventually wound him up so much that he pulled a small knife out of his drawer and he told me he was going to kill me. He started stabbing the knife at me and sliced my finger with it, the size of the gash is about 2 inches. I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me and as soon as he saw what he had done he stopped. But as I sat on his bed, I couldn’t stop crying and he brought the knife back out again, threatening me with it again.
Thankfully though two of his friends came in and he let them in the room. This argument had went on for roughly 2 and a half hours and I know it’s not his parents duty to help me but I am pretty sure they could hear me crying and most of the argument yet never once at least shouted to see if we were okay.
This was basically the point where I knew I had to leave.
But the thing is, I don’t know how to. He has threatened that he will smash all my house windows, smash up my car, even take on overdose or kill himself some other way. I just don’t know how to cope. I don’t have a lot of friends that I can trust with this and the ones I have told have basically turned a blind eye. I thought by telling them they could maybe help me but it doesn’t seem that they can or even want to. Please someone help me..
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I am currently in a relationship with a girl who i think i love but theres this girl at work who i like a lot and i think i could grow to love and i know she likes me because shes told me. I dont want to break my girlfriends heart because i love her but i want to be with the girl from work, what should i do ?
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Dear Agony Aunt,
I’m 25 and it has been a very long time since I’ve dated a guy. I’ve just began a new course at college and I have become very close friends with a guy the same age as myself. He often flirts with me but I’m confused as I feel I’m getting mixed messages from him.
My feelings for him are quite strong but I’m too afraid to tell him how I feel because I fear rejection and I fear I will lose my beautiful friendship with him. I don’t want to pass on this opportunity because I don’t want to end up thinking ‘what if’ there could have been something. I can’ stop this constant feeling of hurt in my heart. In the pass a similar situation occurred with another guy and I never had the courage to tell him how I felt and I felt hurt for quite a while. But now I don’t want to repeat this again. I need advice.
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I got engaged about 3 years ago.
We had moved in together two years ago and were happy, but circumstances regarding family issues and finances dictated that we move back in with our parents respectively. I got a job delivering Chinese food around my area, and I have been at it for nearly 2 years now. In this time I met a 17 year old girl who works on the counter with me one night per week. We have built up a close friendship through intimate conversations and a little harmless flirting.
Just recently we shared our feelings for each other and it turns out that they are mutually strong. This girl makes me happy when she phones and texts me and I would do anything to make her happy, but in recent weeks, I have tried to make a move on her and she didn’t want to know, saying “You have a girlfriend and I’m not into the whole affair thing”. She also told me that she would go with me if I were to end my existing relationship and I am now beginning to doubt my love for my fiancee.
I didn’t ask to have strong feelings for this new girl and I don’t want to see my relationship with my Fiancee end, or even suffer – as it is doing because of this. On the other hand, I don’t want to lose a close friend, no matter how much of a tease she seems to be.
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My girlfriend is having is having a very emotionally hard time, because her grandad is dying of cancer. She loves him very much, and I think it’s horrible for her because he only has about 6 months to live, and how does she spend that time with him?
I care about her more than anyone else right now, and I wish i could do something.
I wish i could stop her gandad from dying, but i know this is impossible.
I want her to know I am here for her, but I think she is a little wary of talking to me about the situation as I have never had to deal with it.
However, i would like to know if there is any way I could support her in her time of need. I know this will be difficult as I cannot fully relate experiences, as I am inexperienced in loss of loved ones, particulary grandparents, as all of mine died before I was even born.
I would really apreciate it if there was any advice for how I could help her, however small or large.
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I have been married for 22 years in total, we have a son together who is now nearly 18.The relationship was always quite turbulant and we attended Relate on three seperate ocassions. 8 years ago we split, although have always keeped in touch mainly because of our son. In this time apart we seemed to get on better and I asked on at least 7/8 different ocassions for us to get back together and give things another try, each time I was rejected.
Recently I unexpectedly got an Email from an ex girlfriend and started a relationship with her and become very fond of her, we have slept together and still have lots in common and she has been really good for me. I thought it best to explain this relationship to my wife and when I did she broke down and declared her undying Love for me.
She says she wants me back and will do anything to save our relationship, she can’t bear to think of me with someone else and she and our son need me there. She also said that she had a 9 month relationship
5years ago when we had been apart for around 3 years but finished it when he wanted her to commit and she said she couldn’t because she still Loved me, but didn’t tell me that.
I’m having trouble with the fact that she has said nothing for 8 years untill the night I say I’m seeing someone else and then decides to tell me she has felt this way for at least 5 years. It doesn’t ring true to me, although she is trying really hard to show her affection I feel used and also a little angry and confused. it would be the easy option as she is still in our marital home and my son is still there too. My Ex is 130 miles away in a council house with a 14 year old daughter and a 10 year old son.I feel I have an obligation to my wife and son to give it another try but at the same time am not sure I can give 100% to her now as I feel something has been destroyed in the 8 years apart and I have really strong feelings for the girlfriend from my past.
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Okay basically my boyfriend of five months split up with me because we were going through a rough patch and he didnt see the point in us continuing anymore as it was so complicated. I was absolutely devastated as I loved and still love him with my entire self. On the Friday night I got wasted and started crying to this random woman I’d just met about him ending it with me and she said to get over him you need to get under someone else. I don’t know why the hell I thought it was good advice but I did. I ended up going home with this guy… I regret it more than anything in my entire life.
I HATE myself for what I’ve done. I’d do anything to take it back! My Ex found out and went mental. He was in so much pain… his eyes… God, I wanted to rip my heart out. He hated me. A few days after it happened, we went for a walk together and I explained myself as best as I could and he told me how he was feeling. The day after he came round and was hugging me and cuddling me. He told me about
how he’d forgiven me, he didnt want me to hate myself anymore and that he still loved me and he wants us to be friends. For the following days, he kept coming round and cuddling me and hugging me. We’ve even kissed and told each other we love each other and everything! I asked him if we were going to get back together and he said No, he could never trust me again after what I did. But he’s still coming round to see me and we’re still hugging and kissing! He even came round this morning and we held each other for ages… we even got a bit sexual but he didnt want to actually have sex… we just did other things.
So after all this… and he still doesnt want to get back with me. He says he’s never felt about anyone else this way and that I mean the world to him. I love him, I need him back, I feel empty without him. Please can someone tell me what to do?! I need to know how to get a guys trust back? How can I get him back!?
Thank you…x
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Hi Agony Aunt, I am 41 yrs old and single. I have been friends/lovers with a gentleman of 60 for just over a year.
However he has a complicated life, he has an ex wife whom he still I believe has a relationship with, he has 2 children with her, who are grown up now. I recently got a very well paid new job, with company car etc. I have offered to take us away for a weekend, because we havent seen each other properly since last december.
He has agreed to meet up, and seems very enthusiastic at the moment, however I was quite annoyed today, when he dropped out of the blue that he has just purchased a brand new top of the range car, but hasnt offered anything towards the weekend !
Im starting to get quite bad vibes, and am wondering if Im doing the right thing ?
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Ok so, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and I love him so much, more than anything else in my life. However I feel as though things started doing downhill in our relationship a long time ago (maybe 18 months ago). We fight every single day, he never compliments me, always ‘jokingly’ criticises me and most of the time imp really down, but on that odd occasion he does compliment me I feel great, and there’s no problem.
But a year ago i met a new group of friends, one of them being a guy i instantly clicked with, i found him attractive, confident, funny, caring, everything i look for in a guy….and so slowly over the next couple of months we became friends and we both started hearing rumours from everyone else in our group of friends that we liked each other, so we both played on this and there was some HARMLESS flirting. But then after another month or so he tried to kiss me (knowing i was in a long term relationship) and with much dismay i pulled away. However this happened regularly for another month or so, him attempting to kiss me but me pulling away. After this time he decided to give up, i missed him when this happened, so when after a couple of weeks he decided to try to kiss me again.. i gave in.
Now over the last 6 months or so ive been sneakingly meeting this guy for cuddles & kisses (nothing more). He made me really happy and was so different to my boyfriend, i loved being around him. Another problem was that i lust over this boy a huuuuuuuuuuge amount and hardly feel any sexual attraction to my boyfriend anymore (and we have a very poor sex life- all because of me).
Anyway…a month ago, the guilt took over me and i told my boyfriend everything, promising to loose all contact with the other guy, and my boyfriend said hed try and forgive me so were giving everything a second shot. Now i told the other guy that i wanted to stop contact with him, he became really down and for the last month has tried talking to me on several occasions, i try to ignore him but sometimes cant as i miss him a huge amount. And recently ive found out he likes another girl (i was told this by a mutual friend) so a few days ago i agreed to see him so i could give him back some stuff of his i found and we spoke for hours about everything and for the 1st time since we stopped talking a months ago i was so happy, and he told me yes he had started to like another girl but his feelings are still too strong for me for him to move on yet.
And now, for the last month or so ive been stupidly depressed thinking about him CONSTANTLY, i can only sleep for about 3 or 4 hours a night and can hardly eat, im always crying and wanting to harm myself.
I feel so guilty after everything ive done to my boyfriend as i love him so much, but i just love this other guy too and im stuck. I have to lose one of them in this situation.
Please help.
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