Ok so, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and I love him so much, more than anything else in my life. However I feel as though things started doing downhill in our relationship a long time ago (maybe 18 months ago). We fight every single day, he never compliments me, always ‘jokingly’ criticises me and most of the time imp really down, but on that odd occasion he does compliment me I feel great, and there’s no problem.
But a year ago i met a new group of friends, one of them being a guy i instantly clicked with, i found him attractive, confident, funny, caring, everything i look for in a guy….and so slowly over the next couple of months we became friends and we both started hearing rumours from everyone else in our group of friends that we liked each other, so we both played on this and there was some HARMLESS flirting. But then after another month or so he tried to kiss me (knowing i was in a long term relationship) and with much dismay i pulled away. However this happened regularly for another month or so, him attempting to kiss me but me pulling away. After this time he decided to give up, i missed him when this happened, so when after a couple of weeks he decided to try to kiss me again.. i gave in.
Now over the last 6 months or so ive been sneakingly meeting this guy for cuddles & kisses (nothing more). He made me really happy and was so different to my boyfriend, i loved being around him. Another problem was that i lust over this boy a huuuuuuuuuuge amount and hardly feel any sexual attraction to my boyfriend anymore (and we have a very poor sex life- all because of me).
Anyway…a month ago, the guilt took over me and i told my boyfriend everything, promising to loose all contact with the other guy, and my boyfriend said hed try and forgive me so were giving everything a second shot. Now i told the other guy that i wanted to stop contact with him, he became really down and for the last month has tried talking to me on several occasions, i try to ignore him but sometimes cant as i miss him a huge amount. And recently ive found out he likes another girl (i was told this by a mutual friend) so a few days ago i agreed to see him so i could give him back some stuff of his i found and we spoke for hours about everything and for the 1st time since we stopped talking a months ago i was so happy, and he told me yes he had started to like another girl but his feelings are still too strong for me for him to move on yet.
And now, for the last month or so ive been stupidly depressed thinking about him CONSTANTLY, i can only sleep for about 3 or 4 hours a night and can hardly eat, im always crying and wanting to harm myself.
I feel so guilty after everything ive done to my boyfriend as i love him so much, but i just love this other guy too and im stuck. I have to lose one of them in this situation.
Please help.