Comments on: Should I Stay With My Husband

By: Levi James

Levi James — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 16:14:38 +0000

Sometimes the love we want is right infront of our eyes and we don’t realise until we’ve lost it. Are you sure it’s not boredom your dealing with? You haven’t said your inlove with this guy you’re having an affair with? If you’ve known this guy for 25 years and you’re only just having an affair you could end up losing his friendship and your husband whilst looking for something you already have?

Make sure you know what it is you’re looking for before you do anything rash. It may sound silly but take ten minutes to write down the pros and cons for both of them. You may be surprised by the outcome. Love is important but as you get older the other stuff is too….

By: Miss Controversial

Miss Controversial — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 13:59:59 +0000

It’s simple. Leave him. You don’t want your son to have such a role model as a father like that! Otherwise he’ll grow up with the same attitude.

Even if it does not work out with the man you are having an affair with, you will be better off than staying with a husband like that.

By: sally Pea

sally Pea — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 19:47:07 +0000

My advice would be to stall the relationship with your ‘friend’, if he is a true friend he will understand the difficult position you are in and give you time and space to sort things out.
I’m hoping your husband will be changing his ways by now and doing all he can to make your marriage work, although be warned he will need to forgive you to re-build trust for a happy ending for the two of you – and this will take time!
You need to think of not what is best for you, but for your child – as a mother, his happiness and well being should be your priority.
It doesn’t sound as if you’re having big rows so if I was in your shoes I would maybe have a weekend away with your husband (without your son maybe) and see how that goes, if you’re still not sure I would have some time out on your own. Maybe stay at your parents or a friends so you both have some time and space to think things through.
It’s a hard time for you and I hope things get better…good luck x
p.s please re-post to let us know how you are

By: Rose

Rose — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 19:36:23 +0000

I don’t think you’re in love with him if all you care about are his looks.
Love is an action, and love can be developed.
Spend quality time together to get to know one another more – WAY more. So well that you love him without even having to look at him.

By: lily

lily — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 10:17:32 +0000

i , too am in the same dilemma, with my husband 23 yrs, married 15yrs of which 19 yrs have been in love, and happy, through very hard times financilly, some 15 yrs ago, he started his own buisness and it took off nicely which made our life comfortable and enjoyable, though being in love in the hard times i did get work to help , but when not needed i was told not to work ,and to look after the children , so that is what happened, as looking back no one who knew my husband ever spoke out of turn, those who did got shut out of our lives, as far as i could see and still now our small family unit is his priority, , he has and always did keep him self fit ,even with some on going medical problems which i thought was quite the achievement, without realizing the bossy personality which got him places grew with the growth of his company, and i became the little hse wife, sounds a bit like jealousy, maybe as i was once a professional window dresser in london and still have many artistic skills which i hide away in to keep my sanity, about 4 yrs ago out of the blue he started drinking and with the odd drugg here and there , asked several times to stop as didnt like the smell so the drink changed to typical vodka, i became the ostrich and lived my life as single person ,without the perks, and became very lonely,while his company ran its self and he slepted all day and woke to down a large bottle, then sleep again, asking whats going on ,he said he was in physical pain , when that aliment was sorted it then changed to me and my family were the problem for his drinking including my deceased brother who died of acholism, when things got really bad,emotional abuse , includeding gaining more than double his weight, i asked him to leave over 9 times but i never happened , what ensued after this is quite awful but , including a break down for him, because of his past events , nothing to do with me or my,on the mend now over a year the drinking has come down to a miniumum,and a fair amount of weight off, and he says he finally realises how much he loves me and does not want to lose me, ,me on the otherhand cut myself off from him in self preservation, cannot find that love, ifeel to much has been said and done, i feel for him and that s why i am still here, scared as nothing in my name only his word that he will take care of his kids and me after everything has been sold. it is hard to think of life without him as he is quite a presence about him,i am angry at him for destroying what felt was wonderful life to a point including the hard times,we are at present still living in the same hse he comes home and scales at me ignores me because i wont sleep with him, its all raw for me still , i feel i am being punished for not being the proper wife

By: JRD

JRD — Wed, 18 May 2011 09:21:37 +0000

May be I am being naive. How can anyone give advise based on what you have said rather than piecemeal or to state their own experience. From what you have said you want some excitment, the chap has got fat, and you are thinking is this it. You are probably seeing some of your friends who say “I would not put up with this” or who are separating and playing the field. I was once given the advice dont change muddy water unless you have clean, or in a relationship they are all serious until the next.

I think the key issue here is what is the next steps. If I was your husband I would not have forgiven you for the affair and that would be it. I think you are luckier at the moment than that. I think you need to examine yourself and think what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. Financially you are dependant on him and probably hate the thought, and if you are not dependant on him you will be dependant on the state or CSA if you keep the kids which is not necessarily a given.

From a control perspective your husband probably does not appreciate how you feel controlled, and may not even be aware of it. There are lots of different types of control and often these are given due to your own personal choices rather than someone taking control. Control can be from a simple male perspective of always driving, doing the barby, to financial, emotional and sexual there is a whole range of control.

Get real, and dont destroy for the sake of change. If it is over then so be it and move on.

By: Emily

Emily — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 22:00:12 +0000

I’m only a child, but you’ve probably already come up with a solution to your problem, but whatever happens, make sure you’re thhere for your child. When my Dad had an affair with another women it ruined my life and changed me complely. It’s not just about finding the right man for you, It’s so much bigger than that. After my dad left I lost all trust in him and was ‘diagnosed’ with depression, so was my mum. So pay close attention to your son, sometimes he might not tell you if he’s upset about something, you have to look for clues.

By: kathryn covington

kathryn covington — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 21:53:15 +0000

Hi, I finished my marriage after 26 years together, as I was sick of his Possessiveness. I waited for the children to grow up, thinking it would be easier for them to handle…. But no it was not. Life is too short with the what ifs and buts, you must do whatever you need to do to be happy. Do you love him? If so, work at it.. If not move on. Me?? Im now with a man who absolutely adores me as I do him….. Regrets?? mmmmm Maybe, but Im happy. Do whatever you want to do………. LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

By: karen

karen — Sun, 20 Mar 2011 23:57:24 +0000

I have been with my partner 25 years but 4 years ago we moved home to a bigger mortgage, then he lost is job 2 years after moving i have been struggling to make ends meet and when ever i tell him we cant afford the sky or buy certain things he throws a tantrum. He is about to start a ne job but it wont help that much as I hate were i live and i have lost any feelings i had for him. This house is nice but i like a home i can add my own touches to but have no money for anything. I work 27 hours a week and attend my disabled parents. we had some extra money this week but he wanted a second hand laptop weather i liked it or not.I have two grown up daughters who were mad at him buying this. He is the only one who wants to stay in this house but i cant bear it any more.

By: neverlander

neverlander — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:14:30 +0000

Let me get a few facts straight: So you have been married for EIGHTEEN years to a man who STILL initiates sex with you, provides you financial security, is a great father to your kid and is “devastated” about the fact that you want to leave him. I wish half the women in the world were as lucky as you.

ALL I see in your post is I, I, I. How YOU have tried to communicate. It goes two ways, lady. Have you asked your husband WHY he has put you down? Maybe he wants you to AMBITIOUS, and not over-sensitive. hey, I am not siding with him about HOW he has put across the message, but after 18 years if he has applied for other jobs on your behalf, do you think he would have done that if he doubted your potential to do good there. Maybe his METHOD is not what you like, but why can’t you take the message here? Maybe its his convoluted form of encouragement.

It seems to me that you are just trying to justify your guilt here, Anon. Asking a bunch of strangers whether you should leave your husband despite everything he has done reeks of approval for your actions (and I know the things he has done because you have stated so yourself). is he abusive towards you? Has he put you through unbearable behavior? if what you have mentioned in the above post covers it, I say you have adjustment issues.

Fine, lets hypothetically say you have left your husband for this other guy. What kind of an equation does your son share with him? (Is it fair to deprive him of a loving parent for the sake of your hormones). Do you know what kind of financial stability your boyfriend will provide? Lets say your boyfriend wants you to be more ambitious at work, would you leave him for someone else, then?

Sounds to me your husband has done his fair share in the relationship. Can you raise this child by yourself on your supermarket salary, Anon, and meet ALL his needs. Maybe your husband DOES have bragging rights. Please, I repeat, do not think I agree with HOW he is putting across the message. But you just don’t seem to get it.

Seems to me you have bigger issues to solve than your husband. Oversensitivity about a valid point makes me think self-esteem issues. Also, I would be less concerned if you had it with your husband and wanted a better life for yourself and your child, but your necessity to depend on someone, and the fact that you want to jump from one relationship to another without thought is definitely making me uncomfortable.And more for your child.

Besides, a person who has known you for 25 years of your life and chooses this moment of your vulnerability to start an affair with you instead of guiding you through it doesn’t seem much of a friend to me anyway.. Just sayin’.