Should I Stay With My Husband
Ive been with with husband for 18 years and weve been married for 11. About six years ago i realised i just didnt fancy him anymore. Hes really let his
appearance go since we got together but i felt it was much deeper than that.
Hes also very controlling with the way he treats me. Hes even applied for other jobs on my behalf because he doesnt like me working in a supermarket. I know hes embarrassed about it and he keeps mentioning how much he earns. I told him how i felt at the time but he totally ignored what i said and made no effort to change anything.
Since then i have grown to resent him more and the way hes treated me.
He makes me feel second class. Sex is awful because even though i still love him
i have no sexual desire for him at all.
About two months ago i started having an affair with a guy ive known for about 25 years. Its made me realise what ive been missing for so long. Ive confessed to my husband but hes devastated .
He said he hadnt realised there was anything wrong with our relationship and wants us to try and work it out. He is a good father to our little boy whos 7 and
financially were comfortable. Should i stay with my husband even though im no
longer in love with him for the sake of security for myself and my child or
should i follow my heart and try to find the love i want?
Filed under Marriage Advice by Agony Aunt
Comments on Should I Stay With My Husband »
You should really of talked to your husband before having the affair. If you do choose to stay with your husband because of your child that wont be fair on either of you. Personally i could never stay with anyone if i no longer loved them. Follow your heart..
Good luck x
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I feel that it is normal at your age and your DH’s to have life with much reduced spark. Obvioulsy now you and him are not newly married 20 year couple.
I do not feel that you are doing right at all and not justifibale.
Going by your logic, he should also have started an affair because there is no spark left and it is boring life.
Let me ask you a question?
Let us see tomorrow you get a heart attack and paralysed, who will be the one who will take care of you for life long – your lover or your DH?
or who will be sad? your lover or your DH?
I am 100 % sure that your lover will not even worry about it all and most likely affair will cease to even exist in next few days. he will not even call you after 3 week.
So dear old lady.. love is illusive but your DH is the one who love you more not your lover.
Also remember that love attachments brings expectations and that is why he thinks he can expect from you to leave the job that you are doing. your lover wont’ bother because there is not much attachment and responsibilities. Even i can be better than your lover if you give me a chance w/o any responsibility of life long commitment.
Third thing is that youi will not have any thing in your hand if you destroy all that youi have gained till now.
right now you are cheating your hubby, your kids and and all your in – laws and all concerned. you should immediately stop it.
you are trying to justify what your affair to you and that is why you are posting a question here.
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you need to leave your husband, it can effect a child allot more to live with a awkward family where things are tense and constantly on edge, my parents split up and although i was off the age of 8 i found going to and throw their houses allot easier for me then having to live in an uncomfortable environment where neither of my parents were happy, you will be happy with the other man and so your child with enjoy being with you if your husband has any sense he will read between the lines and get a girl as well, at first thought he will be desperate to replace you so don’t take any offensive to any of the people he might start a relationship with
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Sounds like you’ve gone off him because he treats you second class. Welcome to the real world. All women react differently. Some are fairly skilled to deal with the ‘typical males’ behaviour and stay married and benefit. Some meet another and another and realise they are all the same and even worse. But wait, lets rub in complexities. All of us, both male and female have mental problems, so its a case that both sexes have to put up with each others individual faults too. He doesnt sound abusive. I guess you can either tactfully play games other women do to keep him and all others happy, or you can move on and on and on, and find the typical male all the same and very disappointing. Then you will get lonely. I know. How about stay with him a while and try a little bookreading and look into the pessimistic reality of the typical family. You will get adventure too.
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I’d say try to make it work – for your and your baby’s sake. Please go see a counsellor with your husband. It’s OK to lose the spark after 18 years of being together, try to reignite it. It won’t be impossible. While in therapy, tell your husband about how you find his behaviour controlling. Things can change.
(I’m assuming that your husband is not abusing you (mentally/physically) in which case I’d say run!)
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I was in a marriage to a very selfish man who had no thought for me or the kids. As long as he was doing what he wanted and things were going his way he was happy. For the most part of the marriage I felt like a single parent, and for about 5 years prior to the marriage coming to an end I had no respect for him. We finally split 4 years ago after a 13 year marriage, and once the divorce came through and the vicious texts ended, it was like walking from a smoky room into the fresh air. Friends commented on how good i looked. I am happier now than i was throughout my marriage. i no longer feel like a trinket of his, i am my own person, and because i am happier, my relationship with my children has blossomed. Do not stay with someone who is dragging you down however much you want to keep the family together. Your children want you to be happy and believe me you will be without this man in your life.
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