She Won’t Sleep With Me
I am a student from the South of England. I am currently dating a simply marvellous girl named A***, who is 21 years old, and we’ve been going out for a little over 6 months now.
I have Adult ADHD and severe anxiety, and also get quite depressed, but A**** is very understanding and a great source of comfort, help and support for me and to me. She’s worth about 10 times any other girl at this university, and I also think she’s very beautiful. She’s a great listener, she’s naturally patient and kind, and I never have to worry that she might cheat, even though I got jealous in my only other relationship.
We met in church, where I was the church organist, I will admit attending mainly to earn the money more than anything else, whilst she was avidly praying etc. She, to her credit, did say quite clearly when I asked her out that she was opposed to sex before marriage. Despite kind of knowing that this would be problematic for me, I began to date her anyway (my only other, very experienced and older, girlfriend, with whom I had a sexual relationship, commented on what she perceived to be the unusual ferocity of my sex drive, even for a young man.)
My levels of frustration have now reached such a stage that I cannot think of very much else and have times when I feel resentful towards her for not moving to meet my needs. I was brought up religiously myself, and I remember being a vocal opponent of drinking alcohol, as my denomination had instilled into me. However, when I was 15, someone offered me a drink, I liked it, and my opposition melted away.
I took hers no-sex thing with a pinch of salt because I thought that it was something that was easy to say when no man had ever taken interest in her before, but that it would melt away naturally, given maturity and time. But it seems I was mistaken, and that she really meant it. I don’t think I could ever be cruel enough to dump a girl for not giving me sex, but also this is starting to make me feel unhappy, and we tell each other we love each other. I really don’t know what to do or which way to turn, I don’t see why my needs should come second to her pleasing an unprovable Deity, and hilwst I truly have tried very very hard not to pressure her, I don’t know how long pure altruism can hold out here.
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Comments on She Won’t Sleep With Me
to be honest you shouldnt have ‘taken it with a pinch of salt’ in the first place as you knew from the beginning that she would not have wanted to have sex with you before marriage. she obviously takes her religion very seriously and therefore if you say that you ‘love’ each other then you should certainly respect her beliefs. if not it is not faire that you resent her for her beliefs. you shuld cut all ties if you really cannot do it!
You might just have to wait, if you really love her then you should be able to wait. There are always different ways to pleasure yourself, try looking some up (:
i know its some times difficult to understand that she doesnt want to have sex but i think you have three choices
1) you would have to be very shallow to do this just for sex but if you really love her then ask her to marry you and see what she says
2)dump her (only if you really think you dont love her)
3)wait it out (if you really feel that frustrated masturbation could be the key)
Sexual relief is easily achieved on your own. If you throw this girl aside you will be very sorry in the long run
You are not some handsome prince who can change her beliefs you are a normal man and with problems other girls might not be so willing to accept so accept her as she is as she has done to you
you both are very different personality, you are selfish with no values in life and she is honest and modest. She was very clear from the beginning for a non sexual relationship and you accepted her like that, now your selfish desire is coming in the way. your opinion changes according to your needs as also in the case of alcohol. You have to think if you are the right person for her? I think she deserves better with more honesty and respect.
You need to find out if you’re having difficulty with the fact she’s saying no, or the face she is saying no because of religion. If you’re problem is rooted instead in her devotion to an unprovable god, that is not likely to change, and is potentially a more long term problem.
If it really is that you just have a drive beyond the norm, then a little more patience may be called for. While a relationship without intimacy can be hard to sustain, you’ve already said that she is 10 times any girl you’ve ever known; and very patient with your shortcomings, shouldn’t she deserve the same?
She’s not saying no forever, she’s only asking that the first person she ever sleeps with is also the last one, and she wants that to be *you*. Try to honor it.
And besides, if she’s waiting herself, all that sexual energy building up over time, if you do get married, you’re going to get access to a potential sex drive that can compete with your own, and one that *no* one else has even tapped into. ;D
If you truly respect her and love her you would wait. Otherwise, let her go so she can find someone better.