She has an unstable relationship with her parents

This girl sounds shy, insecure, and unhappy. The best way to help her is to be kind and be her friend. You need to spend time with her & get her to trust you and open up BEFORE you suggest she goes to the school counselor. Also, to make her trust you, you must avoid talking about her to your friends or she will feel bad& that everyone is gossiping about her & she won’t feel comfy around you- or trust any of you.

If she’s good in math, a good way to get to know her& gain her trust is by asking for help with assignments on that subject. If you’re good in math yourself, pretend you’re not so good- so you have an excuse to ask for her help.

Be kind and be her friend. Try small steps to get to know her& show her you care about her. Try talking about general topics like asking her the time& talking about the weather or school work to put her at her ease, so she won’t be suspicious of you. If your friends are nice, tell them you want to help her& ask them not to discuss her amongst them.

Keep up small talk with her& be kind till you gain her trust& she opens up to you. Offer her some of your lunch or snacks. Invite her to your house for tea or a meal. Introduce her to your parents& make an effort to get to know her family if they invite you back to their house. Don’t make assumptions about her parents from what you’ve heard as it may not be accurate. Gossip is not reliable, so only believe what the girl herself chooses to tell you. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T REPEAT ANYTHING SHE TELLS YOU TO ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS – NOT EVEN YOUR BEST FRIEND- OTHERWISE IT WILL GET BACK TO HER, SHE WILL THINK RIGHTLY THAT YOU’RE A GOSSIP, AND SHE WON’T WANT ANYTHING MORE TO DO WITH YOU.

The best way to help her is to keep anything she tells you confidential. Be kind& discreet. Be a good friend; THAT is the best way to help her. Later on, down the line, you can suggest she goes with you to the school counselor but if she resists the idea, you will have to put it off for a while and then come back to it later. Don’t be pushy & don’t even mention it till you’ve got to know her first. She needs to like& trust you before she takes any of your suggestions seriously. Later on, you can try to encourage her to quit or cut down smoking. Maybe eventually she can even be a part of your group of friends which will help her fit in& feel happier/more secure.

By the way, you’re very caring to care about this girl you barely know. It’s a good sign of character wanting to help someone. I hope you can do it.

I hope the advice I gave helped you. You can find me anytime at my website: anonymousletters.net
I am an agony aunt who answers help letters for free. I like helping people and don’t like to see others in pain.

Look up EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) on Google. This is a good method your friend can use (or you) for building confidence & healing.

It’s really nice of you to show concern for this girl, as she doesn’t sound like one of your close friends. When she gets back to school, befriend her. Let her know that she is loved and wanted by you and your friends, even if she may be having problems elsewhere. Don’t expect her to open up straight away; some people aren’t wired that way. But maybe through hanging with your crowd she might appreciate that she’s not going about life the healthiest way, and if you guys do’t lecture her, and your suggestions remain purely friendly, then you might have an amazing impact on this girls life. Good luck.

Why are you so nosey? This isn’t caring, you pay too much attention to her. To me it sounds like you’re bitching about her, don’t get involved unless she asks you to otherwise you’re getting into something that really doesn’t concern you. I’ve had the same eating habits as her for 4 years and I’m fine, if she smokes it’s her own personal choice. Stop criticizing her and get on with you’re own life, it probably doesn’t make this girl feel any better having you watch her every move.

i support cas’s points:)
dont worried about others ,,\
take good care of yrself first
B)

First off, you are a wonderful friend for being concerned and it is unfortunate that there are very few people like you in this world. I have never had a stable relationship with my parents either and can completely understand her circumstances. She needs love and is lucky to have you as a good friend. Unfortunately for her though, she has a hard time channeling her stress and feelings. She is not a bad person she is just having a hard time. At one point in my life when my life was under just so much stress and i was dealing with so much i had an eating disorder as well. So I can relate and let you know that she does not mean to and if i understand correctly from the information you have given me i think she has the same underlying reasons i did. She doesnt do it to control her weight or to try to “fit in.” She needs control, this is most likely also why she smokes. In the crazy world we live in its hard to control what is happening around us. If we have no love at home and our friends are ever changing we can only rely on ourselves and be our own best friend. The easiest way is to find a way to channel our feelings and anxieties is to let them go. Whether it means smoking or drinking, sex or eating disorders it lets us feel as if it is all gone and we dont have to deal with it for that one moment of our lives. And really i hate to say this to you but there isnt much you can do. The best and first step would be to approach her and ask her if she is okay and let her know that you are there but dont nag her and tell her it is wrong. Stand by her side because she needs a friend. For some people they will just want someone there by there side to hold their hand and wipe their tears but others would want someone there to be by their side and help them on their way to recovery. So the best thing to do is to approach her and let her know that you are there and will be and will do anything she needs you to. Give her love. Love is all you need.