She has an unstable relationship with her parents
By Agony Aunt | October 23, 2008
I am 14 at secondary school and a girl in my class has been off school recently.
My friends and i have found out that she smokes daily. we also thought she had an eating disorder as she never used ot eat, especially when she was more unpopular. Now, she eats little, and when she does eat, she eats high fat, high sugar, high salt foods. such as crisps, chocolate etc.
I think she has an unstable relationship with her parents as many people have commented that when being with her parents, they were rude and often insulted each other causing this girl to get embaressed.
We’ve done smoking in Biology and she follows signs of an addict smoker, she is always crushing or destroyign something and gets very restless.
She attention seeks because I don;t think she gets enough attention at home. she brings her cigarettes to school in her bag, i think she secretly wants people to find them so that she will get some form of attention, of which she is so deprived.
She also will never tie back her long hair, whether it be in PE or an experiment at school using eg a bunsen burner. causing her to get in trouble with teachers. Personally, i tihnk she likes to hide behind her hair.
She gets emabressed easily and is always in trouble with the teachers at school, again, i tihnk she wants soem form of attention. She has an older sister, who we think is providing her with the cigarettes, who also smokes. In biology, we also did heart rate and hers was so fast, she would not tell anyone, but my friend was the one measuring her heart rate and she said it was way above average.
she is quite clever, especially in maths.
This girl, she is skinny, drinks at least 500ml of coke a day and im worried that all of these factors combined will result in her early death.
She finds it hard to open up and i only wish i could help her more, what should i do ?
Her being absent lately has really made me think.
Please, tell me something i can do?
Maybe get her to see a school counciller ?
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Topics: Teenage Agony Aunt Letters |
2 Responses to “She has an unstable relationship with her parents”
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This girl sounds shy, insecure, and unhappy. The best way to help her is to be kind and be her friend. You need to spend time with her & get her to trust you and open up BEFORE you suggest she goes to the school counselor. Also, to make her trust you, you must avoid talking about her to your friends or she will feel bad& that everyone is gossiping about her & she won’t feel comfy around you- or trust any of you.
If she’s good in math, a good way to get to know her& gain her trust is by asking for help with assignments on that subject. If you’re good in math yourself, pretend you’re not so good- so you have an excuse to ask for her help.
Be kind and be her friend. Try small steps to get to know her& show her you care about her. Try talking about general topics like asking her the time& talking about the weather or school work to put her at her ease, so she won’t be suspicious of you. If your friends are nice, tell them you want to help her& ask them not to discuss her amongst them.
Keep up small talk with her& be kind till you gain her trust& she opens up to you. Offer her some of your lunch or snacks. Invite her to your house for tea or a meal. Introduce her to your parents& make an effort to get to know her family if they invite you back to their house. Don’t make assumptions about her parents from what you’ve heard as it may not be accurate. Gossip is not reliable, so only believe what the girl herself chooses to tell you. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T REPEAT ANYTHING SHE TELLS YOU TO ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS - NOT EVEN YOUR BEST FRIEND- OTHERWISE IT WILL GET BACK TO HER, SHE WILL THINK RIGHTLY THAT YOU’RE A GOSSIP, AND SHE WON’T WANT ANYTHING MORE TO DO WITH YOU.
The best way to help her is to keep anything she tells you confidential. Be kind& discreet. Be a good friend; THAT is the best way to help her. Later on, down the line, you can suggest she goes with you to the school counselor but if she resists the idea, you will have to put it off for a while and then come back to it later. Don’t be pushy & don’t even mention it till you’ve got to know her first. She needs to like& trust you before she takes any of your suggestions seriously. Later on, you can try to encourage her to quit or cut down smoking. Maybe eventually she can even be a part of your group of friends which will help her fit in& feel happier/more secure.
By the way, you’re very caring to care about this girl you barely know. It’s a good sign of character wanting to help someone. I hope you can do it.
I hope the advice I gave helped you. You can find me anytime at my website: anonymousletters.net
I am an agony aunt who answers help letters for free. I like helping people and don’t like to see others in pain.
Look up EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) on Google. This is a good method your friend can use (or you) for building confidence & healing.