My Ex announced she still loves me
I have been married for 22 years in total, we have a son together who is now nearly 18.The relationship was always quite turbulant and we attended Relate on three seperate ocassions. 8 years ago we split, although have always keeped in touch mainly because of our son. In this time apart we seemed to get on better and I asked on at least 7/8 different ocassions for us to get back together and give things another try, each time I was rejected.
Recently I unexpectedly got an Email from an ex girlfriend and started a relationship with her and become very fond of her, we have slept together and still have lots in common and she has been really good for me. I thought it best to explain this relationship to my wife and when I did she broke down and declared her undying Love for me.
She says she wants me back and will do anything to save our relationship, she can’t bear to think of me with someone else and she and our son need me there. She also said that she had a 9 month relationship
5years ago when we had been apart for around 3 years but finished it when he wanted her to commit and she said she couldn’t because she still Loved me, but didn’t tell me that.
I’m having trouble with the fact that she has said nothing for 8 years untill the night I say I’m seeing someone else and then decides to tell me she has felt this way for at least 5 years. It doesn’t ring true to me, although she is trying really hard to show her affection I feel used and also a little angry and confused. it would be the easy option as she is still in our marital home and my son is still there too. My Ex is 130 miles away in a council house with a 14 year old daughter and a 10 year old son.I feel I have an obligation to my wife and son to give it another try but at the same time am not sure I can give 100% to her now as I feel something has been destroyed in the 8 years apart and I have really strong feelings for the girlfriend from my past.
Filed under Marriage Advice by Agony Aunt
Comments on My Ex announced she still loves me »
It’s obvious that it’s not meant to be with your wife. You’ve tried counseling many times& it simply hasn’t worked. Now, you’ve found out she’s been dishonest with you. I advise you to end the marriage. I appreciate it’s hard as you have a son together but a child is not a good enough reason to stay together I’m afraid. The marriage is between the two of you, and since you can’t put your heart into it, ending it is the only option. You can still be a good dad to your son even if you don’t live with him. As things stand, your marriage is over even if you continue to live with your wife. Don’t stay in this ‘emotional divorce’ as it can be shattering.
As for your ex girlfriend she may or may not be the answer. You need to end the marriage first so you’re not being unfaithful to your wife (regardless of her past actions two wrongs don’t make a right, then you need time alone to think about your life before starting another relationship. I wish you all the best.
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Hello there (:
It’s rather obvious from what you tell me that she doesn’t really love you but doesn’t want you to be with anyone else. Sorry for putting it so bluntly but if you aren’t strong now then she will carry on controlling you by wanting you and rejecting you again. Your son is 18, I’m sure he’s independent by now and doesn’t need you that much. You say that your relationship was always rocky, now you are in contact with a past girlfriend,and that relationship seems perfect to me. Without meaning to put a downer on this, wasn’t there a reason you broke up to begin with though?
I think you need to end your marriage for final, even though it could be painful! As for the ex girlfriend/present girlfriend I reckon you should continue in the relationship for as long as you are happy and if it ends, it ends. Have fun and play the field!
xxx
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You know that lifes too short right?
You never know whats gonna happen and it is very rare that we can actually control the events in our lives which is why these moments when we can are so precious.
You have a decision to make and it’s obviously a really hard one for you. So ask yourself this, who do you love? … But I mean who do you TRULY love? Because to me that is your answer right there.
Like I’ve said above: Lifes too short.
You dont have time to be wasting time not knowing what to do, you need to be with the woman you love. So forget what’s practical, the easy option, or more appealing. Just be with the woman that you know in your heart you wanna be with.
Good Luck.
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Hi, All the advice above is exactly right in one way or another. Your wife seems to be attempting to control when and who you can be happy with. She may feel that if she is not seeing anyone you should not either.
If you believe you have tried everything to save your relationship with your wife then you know going back together is going to end in heart ache and as much as it may upset you the main person who will be hurt the most is your son. He needs to understand the situation. If you did decide to stay with your ex girlfriend then maybe applying for a divorce will help to define the situation to your wife but explain you still want to be close for the sake of your son but not in a relationship. If your wife is understanding and cares for her son and you she will want you to be happy. Just be careful she does not menipulate you. Good Luck
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she doesnt love you she just wants you to be alone just say you have suffered for years and now have finaly moved on
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