Marry Within The Religion

rubbish you should get married to the person you love

im in on same boat with you onthis one. i would say ignore your parents but i know if they are lyke mine it wont be that easy. religions can be a bit stupid sometimes(no offence). i say tell him whats happening or wait till you get your freedom… if they “disgrace” you then you can fallout with them coz u gonna loose wat u want either way. hope that helps BTW tellign the person u lyke worked 4 me and they know what we have to avoid …

i do agree with sam, you ought to marry the one you love but i know its not always possible. im italian-catholic whereas my (now ex-)bf is iraqui-muslim. we couldnt be together and it kills me even now, today is the 3month since we split and it kills me to see him everyday knowing that due to differences, it’ll never happen. and is harder still because he is also moving on with it and i’m stuck because i love him so much. too much haha.
i know its hard and yes, as dan says – it can be a help to tell that person straight. so do it!! :p xxx

Hey!
I’m Indian too, and i fully understand what u mean. But, i have many friends who have had inter religious marriages. In all cases, the parents were opposed to the alliance at first, but when they saw how determined the couple were, they had to give in. Hope you can convince your family that this is the best for you. Introduce your partner to your parents and he might be able to win them over.

you and your generation are setting the standard for the children of the future….would you want your daughter to marry the one she loved? the world is changing and the parents of certain cultures need to realise that their children need to make their own decisions in life and their own mistakes, especially when they are growing up in a free society. my childhood friend was from a muslim background and had to turn her back on her parents for a while until they accepted her british husband – she is still happily married 15 years later. there are groups in the uk and usa who can help you with this. you need support…and your parents may be controlling and oldfashioned but they probably will love you whatever. good luck and be strong.

tell the guy tat u really love him…..just be honest with him and let him know u did all this on purpose.Its better than carryin a regret whole ur life

if this guy means more to you than your religion, i say dont let him go x

I understand what you must be feeling, as i am also raised within a Indian Family, and they must have high standards for you. I also know that you must be really scared to tell your parents as they may shout or go against your choices, but would you rather tell them than to be upset for the rest of your life?
If i was you then i would tell this guy why you did the things that you did to him, tell him why, and if he really did care for you as much as he did then he would forgive you and get together with you. Explain why its hard for you to be together, also tell him that you love him so much.
As long as he is by your side then everything will be okay, but is he the life type partner? what if he leaves you then what? Most Indian families will disown their children for marrying outside the religion as its bringing shame upon them and your family will look bad in the “Indian society”
But is he worth going through all that trouble?
Think carefully as to what you do, if he says he loves you and wants to stay with your forever then go for it
But, remember theres no turning back,
Like i say, do what you want, not what others want you to do.
guys are really bad at getting hints so you will have to say it to him, how you feel. And if he feels the same then talk to each other about it and when you think you have reached the commitment level then tell your parents.
Best of Luck, x

Great one. Another example of how religion can come between humanity. Having said that though, a lot of people dont obey religious ethics and their disobedience causes each other falling apart too. I was told by a religious institution once that the word barbarian meant behaving barbarically, badly. The dictionary confirmed this. Then I studied classical studies, the roots of our European culture from the Greeks to the Romans, to us. A barbarian back then meant one of a different language to the main Greeks. Bar, bar, bar is how they sounded. It just meant some-one who was different. The Greeks themselves back then were all different and by no means necessarity good people. Well any-way it said, this is where the word ‘barbarian’ came from. Those different from the Greek. Who were the Greeks? States ruled by selfish unfair kings, to tyrants and later to democracy. Therefore those who called others barbaric were barbaric themselves anyway. So I need to ask. Exactly how educated is your mother? Because education gives you knowledge to give you an independent mind to know where ‘labels’ come from when they are thrown around. Education gives you freedom. Freedom of choice to know things when other authorities stand up and dictate for you.

This is a sad situation but you made your choice: you chose to honour your parents and your religion over your boyfriend, and now you have to accept the consequences and realise that he will, of course, move on.
Having said that, he’s clearly not really in love with someone else after a mere three weeks, so if you honestly regret your decision and wish you had not let your religion come between you you may still have a chance to get him back if you are willing to be honest with him about why you have been pushing him away.

some people obviously do not understand the importance of religion, It is hard for you and i know that , but it is in your religion , you are commiting sin if you go against. you can find another man just as good that is in your religion and i know how hard it is. But your parents (you mother) had you in her stomach for 9 months , and im sure she didn’t have you in her stomach for you to just disobey the family rules did she? they trust you , don’t break their trust.

However it is also important to keep yourself happy and sometimes parents do not understand that and that is beacause they are scared for you. they do not want you gettin hurt or making the wrong decisions hence why all these rules. I am a muslim and i do not get attracted to muslim guys at all but i keep myself grounded and think , if my lover comes he comes and plus you can’t help that you love him , God made i happen didn’t he? so if God is happy then so should you be.

Try talking to your parents but don’t lose any sleep on it.
Good luck

I totally understand how you feel at the moment, probably because i’ve had similar experiences. I’m pretty young myself and still studying but i’m from an Afghan family where my mum is English who converted from christianity and my father is Afghan. Since i was little i had been thoroughly repulsed at the thought of having to marry an Afghan. I hated how the women in my family abroad were so naive and waited on the men. I onced even asked myself, are they wives or housemaides. Another thing i didn’t understand is how come they married their cousin which in todays society is not approved of. However, it has been 10 years since i went to see my family abroad and everything changed. I had always steered away of my religion not understanding the culture and rebelling against my religious father and dating guys because of their looks. I went abroad in april and i can admittedly say i was so silly to think that way, i have found the guy of my dreams who is the most annoying, riddiculous intolerable guy i have ever met but i love him to bits. The thing is even if he wasn’t my religion i wouldn’t be able to give him up. i’ve changed over a new leaf and find myself connected with my religion….what i’m trying to say is, why are you letting someone you love walk away like that. You broke his heart and your own in order to please your family but would they rather you be in emotional pain or be happy with a guy they might not completely approve of. Fight for him….if he cares for you the way you have described then he will change the way he is living in order to be with you. Don’t feel down, i understand the cultural part of it all but what i’ve learnt from being westernised in london is that no matter how much you walk that circle, nothing will change unless you make ends meet. Be true to yourself and your heart, the heart never lies. Good luck! x

ok so first off, IM AMERICAN. haha. i do love the brits. anyway. i dated a muslim and we went through alot together in our two years. his parents believed strongly in arranged marriages. I saw this post and it hit my heart hard. coming from the other persons point of view, I can tell you that you really do need to tell him. My guy, tanvir is his name, told me a year after. I was introduced to his parents…they called me a disgrace and a “soiler” and a slut to my face. But now his mom likes me and our relationship is alot better. I know what your going through is tough, and try not to be a killjoy about it (thats what ran mine off) and try introducing him to your parents. If they really want the best for you they would be accepting. I love you already! *air hug from america!*

It only took him 3 weeks to fall in love with someone else? ….
I’d wait a bit if I were you, you sound young – no harm in waiting!

I am hindu and dating a muslim. However, I am going to be a hyprocite and say that it is better to marry someone of the same religion/culture as it has a higher chance of surviving. What usually happens is that as a person gets older they will find their mindsets changing and reverting to their own culture. It is usually the case that asian men leave their partner as they get older (children or no children) to marry someone of the same culture here or back home.

A lot of young people date outside their culture, however as you get older that will change.