I have trust issues

You are simply acting defensively which is a perfectly normal reflex considering what you have been through.

Personally, I feel for any girl/woman who has become a victim of chauvinistic behaviour from men who think nothing more of us as merely an object they can use to satisfy their primitive needs.

To me, it seems as though there are two levels to your trust issues. The obvious one is the way you have been mistreated and until you are ready to let go, there will always be barriers towards men. The root of this is the slump in your confidence for which you are not responsible and that fact will only add to your frustration.

Taking out your resentment on others around you is not healthy for you or them. They aren’t the cause of your distress, nor do they know what is going on. See your doctor about getting a counsellor or ring helplines as from my own experience, it can be a very sensitive issues to raise to people who know you. Just because you can’t tell them, doesn’t mean you don’t need to talk about it. You’ve seen for yourself the danger of blocking hurtful memories.

Actively plan to help you concentrate on you. Practice a hobby that can be done alone as this will help you spend time with just yourself to relieve some of the frustration you are feeling. Also planning activities with your girl mates/relatives of similar ages will boost your self confidence, not to mention a goody girly time.

The underlying level is your sexuality. You need to seriously and actively ask yourself which gender you would rather be with in a relationship. It might not be just because of past memories, there might be something more to it. Identify your sexuality for your own sake. Do some research ask for some help and mostly, be true to yourself. Don’t be afraid to feel what you feel. Being attracted to girls doesn’t come from your distress over guys. I, amongst a lot of other girls continue to go for guys despite what we have been through and that is because we aren’t attracted to girls. At the same time, being attracted to girls will not solve your Anxiety over men.

A breakdown:

1) Sort out your frustration by sorting out both your confidence and talking to someone about it.
2) Identify your sexuality for your own self and be open to it. Don’t be afraid of what you feel.

I hope this helps. Let me know how it goes.

Best of luck,

xKx

You are simply acting defensively because of what you have gone through.

I feel for all women who have been victims of chauvinistic men who view us as objects for their primitive use.

There are two levels to the hostility you feel towards men. Firstly, it is because of what you have gone through but those barriers won’t come down until you are ready to let go. Try finding a hobby you can do alone to be able to think freely and just to be able to concentrate on you.

Why let others suffer because they are not the cause of your distress, nor do they know anything about it. Instead, spend some quality time with your girlies and get out and about to help rebuild your confidence and that you don’t ‘need’ men. As you have discovered, blocking hurtful memories by no means they are forgotten. So, through your doctor, find a counsellor or ring helplines. Unburdening what you have gone through to someone in confidence that you don’t know can prove to be therapeutic.

The second level is your attraction to girls. There are countless women (myself included) who continue to go for guys regardless of what they have gone through. Pay attention to and identify your sexuality. Do some research, ask questions and mostly, be true to yourself and don’t be afraid to feel what you are going through. However, the solution to your trust issues are not finding the same gender attractive. They lie in rebuilding yourself after what you suffered.

Let me know how things go.

Best of luck,
xKx

You need to confront your friend about this. I don’t know how you can go on not knowing what happened that night.
It was completely wrong what he did to you, abusing his friendship with you. But you need to know.

Hi Sweetheart,

Im really really sorry for what you’ve had to go through. No-one deserves that. I totally understand why you have trust issues, I did too. And it took a hell of a long time but I managed to get through to the other side and now I am still not 100% but I do have a guy that I love deeply in my life.

First things first, You cannot beat yourself up and blame yourself for what has happened. It’s the past and theres no going back now. Leave it behind and let go of your pain. The last thing you need is to mope around the house feeling sad over guys. Go shopping with friends, spend some time with your family and just enjoy life and go out as much as you can. You can’t expect for things to just happen by themselves.

As for your guy friends that cross the line, make sure they take you seriously when you say no. If not, then cut them off. You do not need people that are going to hurt you in your circle of friends and what your close guy friend and ex did to you is not justifiable AT ALL.

Your attraction to girls could be because you are scared to let another guy close to you again or it could be genuine. To find out for real, talk to someone close to you.

I know it doesn’t seem like it but please try to believe me when I say that things are gonna be okay. Because they really will.

Oh, and just one last thing…

Don’t be afraid of love. Trust me, the pain is worth it in the end when you find the one you were looking for.

Best of luck.

hey, it seems to me that this boy just wants to lose it and you dont need him! i waited 4 the one i loved so should you plus your too young and under age! good luck x

I used my husbands card to sort few things out in the house thinking I will pay it back with the new job offer I got. The job was withdrawn and I am back to the the drawing board, my husband has now find out that I used his card, he is not happy with me at all and will not come back home until I tell him how I’m going to repay thgis money back .

Help me please

trust issues … >
my brother did the same .. and i also didn’t find any person who i could convide in . it was a situation without a way out . i didn’t know what do do .. sometimes when the problems seemed to outgrow me … i passed out . it happened at home , at school or in the train .. it was horrible
then the school started to be irritated and wanted to know what was going on with me .. but i couldn’t tell my secret any person .. i doubt nobody would be able to keep this secret ..
i mean .. it was my brother an i didn’t want my parents to be disappointed , i didn’t want to destroy my family ..
but then one day I couldn’t surpess my feelings anymore .. so i disclosed the secret . i talked to my class teacher.. and now i’m feeling much better . maybe you should do the same …. after it happened .. i also couldn’t trust in any person anymore .. ..but now everything has changed ..

it seems to me as if your male friend has taken you coming to him as a sign that you wanted more than just a friendship, this probably isnt your fault as all you need to do is smile at a guy and they think you want to sleep with them. i know it might be akward but you need to talk to him and find out what happened that night, he may have just left you after you passed out, and if so then you can put it behind you. as for the liking girls part, this could be one of 2 things, either you genuinly like girls or your just giving up on men. its normal to find people of the opposite sex attractive especially if your female! but you need to wait and see how your feelings develop before you jump to any conclusions! hope this helps you x steph x

I wreckon this guy will gather a lot of enemies both male and female. He has a behaviour pattern, that suggests behavioural problems both mentally and physically. And that approach will be of all issues, in a different way, but, like that. He may be heading for prison in his much later years. Its not that he is a guy, he’s actually a human who is nuts. And it sounds like to get that way, he’s had a pretty hard childhood, and later with enemies, a pretty hard later life. You are just experiencing the world, Life is like a box of chocolates.

Rose, it depends what you spent the money on. Ornaments and new plates and curtains, or plumbing and electrical tradesmen. If you just went out shopping with his money, even a joint account with no discussion on unnecessary stuff without asking him, then you paid him no respect, which is needed to keep a marriage going. If you keep behaving this way, you will have no man, or child if you take their money. And this includes modernising, and does he also like what you buy. But if things needed fixing then he should understand, but only really if you phone him first, but if you couldn’t he shouldnt be angry.

When we are a child, the world we think must be good. When we get a little older, it’s not. When we are teenagers, we blame the problems of the world on the other sex, boys hate girls, girls hate boys. When we get older still, we find it is more complex, and not simple like that.