I don’t have a boyfriend

You sound like a bright young lady from your letter. 14 is a bit young for boyfriends (even if it seems like every 14 yr old has a boy or girlfriend; trust me they don’t). And 14 is FAR too young for sex.

I understand you feel lonely right now& it seems like everyone is part of a couple. What you don’t realize is that sex complicates thing. It can be beautiful within a committed relationship like when you’re married but when you have casual sex it has serious consequences: You could get pregnant even if you take the pill. How would it feel to carry a child your age? You’re still not emotionally ready for that – or financially. You’re still a child yourself in many ways.

Casual sex also can lead to dangerous sexual diseases STDs like AIDS which can kill you. Sex also complicates things emotionally; it can intensify your feelings& trick you into thinking you’re in love with somebody who treats you badly or is no good for you. It can also make it hard to leave somebody who’s bad for you as you feel you ought to stay with them since you had sex.

This is all without even mentioning other bad things that can happen like getting a really bad reputation at school. Many boys are NOT gentleman and WILL (kiss& tell).

Also losing your virginity is a physically painful experience usually and if you’re not emotionally ready or the boy you’re with is not sensitive you will feel bad.

Ask yourself these questions to know if you’re emotionally ready for sex:

- If I have a relationship with sex and the guy leaves me how will I feel?

- What will I do or say to my parents if I get pregnant? What happens i I get pregnant and my partner leaves me to face it alone& I have to get an abortion or look after a baby? How will I look after a baby at 14?

- What happens if I get a sexually transmitted infection like syphilis or HIV (AIDS) or crabs? What will I do?

- What happens if I get a bad rep at school and no one wants to talk to me?

- What will I do if I fall in love after I have sex and the guy leaves me?

Ask yourself these questions. At 14 you should have a nice life without all those fears and worries that sex can bring. You should be focused on your studies and friendships. The right boy will come at the right time. But sex shouldn’t be part of the equation now. And not for a long time to come. Not if you want to be happy and not face pain and heartbreak at such a young age. Not if you want to be proud of yourself. Not if you care about yourself more than about any boy who could come and go. Not if you want to be a winner.

I hope my advice helped you. For further advice, pls visit my website:
anonymousletters.net

I’m a caring agony aunt always here to help.

Look up EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) on Google or under EFT section on siouxhealer.co.uk This is a great method for building confidence to help you make the right decisions and do what you need to do to help yourself.

Boyfriends really aren’t that important, and are you sure all your friends have had sex? They are only 14, at that age a lot of us exaggerate what we’ve done to fit in. Possibly one or two of your friends may have had sex, but if they think they were emoitionally and physically ready then that is there business. Don’t judge and pressure yourself by their differences to you. We all change at different rates and have sex at different ages, as you get older you’ll realise a lot of it was probably a front so people didn’t think they were the last one.
From your letter you can tell that you want to like the boy otherwise you would just be going out with the ones that ask, even if you didn’t like you. This shows your mature, and not in it for the tag of having a boyfriend. Keep going, you’ll see if isn’t that important..and when you get one, he’ll hopefully be a decent guy who will see your an intelligent lovely person who deserves to be treated with respect (:

from previous post..

From your letter you can tell that you want to like the boy otherwise you would just be going out with the ones that ask, even if you didn’t like you

i meant to say, even if you didn’t like them.

but anyway (:
don’t worry you’ll find someone special soon enough..

Well, if it helps im 15.. nearly 16. and I still havent had sex.
by choice.. wait for an amazing person to come along, not some loser to fit in. alot of my friends have had sex, and as far as the ones who’d be honest about it, its not all its cracked up to be, so don’t worry your not missing out on too much. plus you have the rest of your life to be with someone you love and can make a physical connect.
your still young and have your life ahead of you.
you should go out and have fun whilst you can (:

Hello.
I’m a year younger. I’m 13.
I havent had my first kiss yet. xD
I know how you feel.
I got asked out by 3 guys! By they are all not my type,
And I like this 17 year old. I dont think he likes me back, But hes like my best friend. All i think now, is “Hey, he may not be my boyfriend, and he may not know i like him. But this is good. I mean i get to walk home with him some days, He always gives me hugs etc..”
We are practically best friends.
Moving onto another subject. Dont fall for a friends guy. Coz it will pee them off. I should know. Okay, let me tell you a little story of what happened to me a month ago.

I liked this guy forr agesss. Like about a year, and my best friend liked him in year 7 but then didnt because he didnt like her back., Then he liked me, but we wouldnt go out with each other coz we were too shy. Anyways a few weeks later, i asked my best friend, if she liked him. And that i wouldnt be mad if she said yes.. She replied no. So i went on with my busy little social life. And a week later my friend starts a conversation with me on IM, and says she goes out with him!

Now i dont speak to my best friend.
I speak to the guy i liked though.

See. so dont let thing turn out like that.
BTW IM IN YEAR 9 NOW, AND THATS A TRUE STORY.

But guys arnt everything as ive learnt,

All they do is BREAK your HEART.

So its bets to stick with your best buds and enjoy life while you can,. Because none of us know whats round the corner.

I hope that made sense xD

And if it helped, then im glad.

But if it didnt. Boo me ! :L

Hey
Don’t be worried you will find someone you like and they will like you . I know it isstressful as your friends have boyfriends and mabey you feel left out. Boys aren’t everything some of them just use us girls so you need to be wary

I hope I’ve helped
X

There is always one and it always feels like it’s us. We don’t ever wanna get left behind. But the thing is, 14 is probably too young for most people to be having sex. It’s a big thing to do, you know. Old fashioned as that sounds. If you’re ready, and find someone, then go for it. But you’re thinking about this seriously and that’s incredibley mature – you acknowledge that you want to have feelings for a guy, and want him to make you feel special. You will find the right guy eventually; but you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find the prince.

i just wanna say im 17 years old and i didnt have my first proper kiss until i was 16. it did bother me a little bit but only when i had turned 16. before that i wasnt bothered because at the end of the day u’ll find that guy that you wanna be with and you’ll know when its right to have that first kiss and then eventually when ur both ready and old enough and when u know ur being safe, u’ll have sex. but to me it sounds like you dont actually want a boyfriend because u would of gone out with one of the boys that asked you out but you didnt.. it sounds like you feel like you need to have a boyfriend because all ur mates have got one.

your only 14.. uve got ur whole life ahead of you for relationships and trust me there not that easy to deal with.. ur whole life changes when a boy walks into it cos everything is dedicated to him..

u’ll know when u want a boyfriend.. but right now just love your life and have fun. dont worry about boys there not the most important thing in the world!

hey im 16 and atm in my first ever relationship. i love the guy and wouldn’t change it for the world, we aren’t having sex, and plan to keep it that way untill we are both ready. i can tell you now that sex is certanaitly what makes our relationship so great and hardly any of my friends (16-17) are doing it. so dont sweat it, getting the right relationship later is way better than getting in the wrong one sooner (:

Hello, I’m 16 years old and most of the people at my college have had sex, but most of those couples that did broke up…It just shows that sex isn’t what makes a relationship.
I currently really like a guy a few years older than me, and i know that he likes me back – but sex is the last thing on our minds, he’s the only boy that i have liked that i have never got bored being within his company, and that is what i am enjoying at the moment – being able to talk to him for hours and just being myself.
I think that is what you need to focus on, creating a bond with someone that you feel you can be yourself arround and someone who makes you feel like no one else can. Then i think it is time for you to make adult choices…remember most people don’t loose their virginity until they are 16-17

I comepletely argee with the last comment you have your hole life ahead of you and boys aren’t the only thing in this world (eventhough some think they are.)

im 14, same as you.
Im gay my girl mates have boyfriends i don’t i get upset and depressed we’re in the same boat babes.
But don’t worry im sure we will and yes i have had sex but it was horrible it wasn’t special it was with a boy i didn’t love and most people lie about having sex to impress babes but dont worry we’re young the time shall come x

14 and most of your friends of had sex, good god.

sex is not important and certinaly not at that age (i’m also 14. i think you sound different from the type of people you are going around with and that eventually someone will enter your life and that will be when the time is right. try building relationships with people you maybe do like and go from there.

i hope everything goes okay

Hey
i am 13 and boys have asked me out, i mean they liked me for who i am! But there is boy i really like he knows who i am but we never talk, i mean we walk past eachother alot but we never say anything to eachothe. But recently i found my best friend held hands with him at a party my best friend said to me “oh i am sorry Laura i just forgot about you.” I cried that night. This boy does not like me, because my supposedly best friend to him, “do you like laura” and he said nah. I mean fair enough. but it has knocked my confidence level. My best friend is really pretty but only because she slaps tons and tons and tons of makeup on her face! But me i have no spots i only wear blusher mascara and lipgloss and i am a normal size. But i cry myself to sleep and whenever i look in the mirror at home i cry because i cannot stand the way i look. Everybody says i am pretty but i think there just saying that.
I just wish people would stop putting me down and that i could find a boy who likes me for me who thinks i am pretty. Help Me Please.

honestly darling, you sound like a complete cutie, and you shouldn’t feel you have to wear makeup to look better. you’ve got so much ahead of you, trust me, you don’t want to be tied down to anyone when you are so young! think of all the fun you could be having. there are so many great people you have yet to meet. remember, your best friend will always be your friend, guys come and go, so just make the most of what you’ve got at the moment, go out, hold hands with lots of guys! stop crying and start smiling !xxxxx

I am 15 and there is this guy i really like at school we talk like friends but i really like him im not sure if he likes me but im afraid to ask him out 1. becaus i dont want him to say no and 2. because he is my best friends ex they went out for a month and have been over for 2 months he doesnt like her anymore but she still likes him i havnt told anyone i like him and i dont no what to do. HELP PLEASE

Laura:
I think, you are partly being self centered by saying you are normal size and have no spots. Are you saying your ‘best friend’ is not as good looking as you?
You may be pretty, but loving someone is not all about looks.
Your crush may like your friend because of her personality, maybe you aren’t his type. You’re time will come to find someone you like.
I liked a boy a lot – we did talk too and we were kinda close once.
My friend and him starting dating , I got upset but got over it
Good luck
Jess

hey, im 14 too and i totally know how you feel.
i havent ever had a first kiss or any type of sex and it is embarrasing when all my friends walk around snoggin their boyfriends,
but i learnt that you have to wait for the right person and your first time wont be enjoyable unless you wait for the person you love to come along, but you also wanna enjoy yourself untill that person comes along like go out and have fun, not be stuck inside your house with your child whos dad you dont even know because you went out and got preggo.
take your mind off a boyfriend and just have fun!

Peraonally i think you need to get a grip. Boys arnt the world. Your 14 you have plenty of time to have boyfriends when you are older. What you need to be worrying about now is your education , your 14 soon you will be doing your GCSE’s and in my expericence with ym own duaghter is that boys dont care about how well you do , they only want one thing at this age and im sorry to say it isnt education!

hey im 14 and havent had sex. my friend went out with this guy who she said she loved and that he loved her back but the next day they would break up and say that they hated each other then get back together.
after a year of an on and off relationship they had sex and a week later they broke up. it was awkward because we hang around in a large close group and they hated each other and would constantly be arguing at each other and trying to turn us against them. now they arent so bad they talk like friends but after the sex they havent been the same friends as they were before and it just proves that sex can ruin a relationship and a friendship.
just because all your friends have had sex doesnt mean that you have to copy what they do. when the right boy comes along then you will know and when you are both ready to have sex then you will know and hopefully it will be when you are a few years older than now and that you are ready for it emotionly and physically.

hope my advice helped

if not then sorry.

I think maybe you should just act like yourself and dont change your looks or personality , a boy should like you as you are , and maybe try going out to more partys and trying different ways to meet new people , or you could go out and do something you enjoy , you never know you could meet someone anywhere ,
dont rush into having sex ,you have your whole life so take things slowly

i hope you find what your loooking for!!

Molz x

listen, laura, im nearly seventeen and believe me, i know what it is to be disappointed in a relationship!! fact is, though, if you’re saying, “we never talk,” you have no basis to form a relationship on. sustainable relationships don’t just pop out of thin air, they take time-you probaby like the IDEA of this guy more than anything else. i hate to break it to you but at your age, its almost as if theres a continual competition between boys as to who can get the hottest girl- i’ll bet anything he dosen’t know her-just sees a pretty face. at the same time though, you’re saying about your friend wearing loads of make-up- have you ever thought maybe thats not entirely her fault?? maybe SHE dosent feel pretty and feels she needs the makeup to make boys notice. as for yourself, you dont sound unattractive at all!!! at thirteen i wasnt so spot-free myself!!! please try not to be so centered around your looks. goodness knows i struggle with that too. but theres more to life. if a guy is going out with you for the way you look, he is not worth going out with.

ok to start with it doesnt matter if u dont have a boyfriend, in my opinion there a waste of space anyway lol. and plz dont rush to have sex there is a legal age and 14 is far to young! there is no need to rush or worry. u have ure whole life ahead of u.

babess, i’m now 21, yu are in the best position of your life, i made the mistake of giving i away to early, im now in a commited relationship of 5 years and we only have sex 2 a month, the reason is, if you give it him too many times they get bored, this way it keeps them interested (he doesnt cheat because we trus each other and honestly i dont think he is smart enough ), what im trying to say is, my twin sisters are now 17 and one of the had a bf during her gcses and the other didnt, my sister that didnt is doing so much better and you dont need a distraction in your life and trust me NEVER LET A GUY TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, when youre ready you will know and it will be so right, dont do it because you think you have to!!!

Give up! Finding a boyfriend when you`re not ready for it is hopeless. Just wate till mr. right comes around…

even though they may have boyfriends some may not be happy and you are going to be with someone one day. but why waste having sex with somebody you dont really like but feel like its a chance to have a boyfriend, when you could wait and share it with someone you will always remember.

Heeey.
Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
There’s so many guys out there; fit, funny, playful, cute, sweet. My friends have a funny guy of their own and I don’t. It really annoys me because sometimes I go over in my head things like;
‘Whats wrong with me?’
‘Why don’t they like me, am I that bad?’
And many questions like that, when truth is, I’m not ‘that bad’ at all. I asked my boy-mates, because even though boys at our age are rather… Perverted(lol) they will help you if you need their help. I asked them and they said,the only reason I don’t have a boyfriend is because I haven’t got to know the guys I like.

Heres my point; find the guy you like, if he’s not there then forget about it you’ll find him soon. When you find him try to act yourself around him and smile a lot, don’t be too shy or too confident- don’t scare him away before you’ve even got him.
That’s how I ruined it. I actually loved him… I love this one guy and I ruined it by acting shy and then sounding desperate on msn. All I wanted to do was to talk to him… and I ruined it. So, some more advice; dont act too fast and don’t sosund desperate/clingy.

Oh and don’t worry about the sex thing. Yeah, I know you probably talk about it a lot with your friends but just say you are waiting for the right guy and if they take the pee outta’ you just laugh.

<3 GoodLuck.

Right, i am a just turned 16 year old and believe me if your desperate to lose it, it will be one of the worst things you could do! Some of my friends had already had sex and i felt pressured. I had a really good boy, that was a friend and it was never going to be anything more unfortunately and we had sex. After that, everybody found out. I thought i could trust him, obviously not.I was underage, but being underage and doing it doesnt make you feel any better it just makes you feel disgusting. So I would just wait, because if you wait you will know when youve found the right person and everything will just fall into place..

don’t feel pressured by people around you who are having sex.
In your age, sex means ‘fun, lets get together and have some sex’.
Don’t get pulled into that. Sex has such a deep meaning. It can pull you into some bad stuff, and make you regret doing it. It can, to some girls, make them feel self concious.

I’m sure you’re a beautiful girl don’t just get together with a random guy! There will come a day when that right man will walk into your life, and everything will fit in place

Just because you’re different, doesn’t mean it’s bad
-Rose