I dont feel the same
By Agony Aunt | November 14, 2008
Ive been in a relationship for over 2 years now but I dont feel the same as i did towards her anymore. Little things are annoying me and Im just not happy. We are looking to move in together which I really dont want to do because I know it will be a nightmare. Im not sure whether to ride it out or end it. I dont want to hurt her.
I used to have commitment issues and we have split over these before. We got back together because I really did love her but its less than a year since that and now Im doubting whether I want a future with her. She will think its a commitment ‘thing’ again but it isnt.
Any advice would be great.
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2 Responses to “I dont feel the same”
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If you don’t love her enough to want to move in with her and your feelings have changed, you need to be honest with her and yourself. Repressing how you feel won’t change the truth.
You’ve been with her a long time& obviously don’t want to hurt her as you care about her; that’s understandable. But you have to realize the longer you wait to tell the truth the harder it gets. And the more painful for her. If you move in with her and she has no idea how you really feel, she probably will expect marriage at some stage. Even if you’re using precautions, she could still get pregnant. Then you’d be truly trapped.
If you really care for this woman, the least you owe her is the truth. You might think you’re sparing her by waiting but the reality is the longer you wait the MORE hurt she will be when you decide to end things. The more time goes by the more she will feel attached to you& have invested in this relationship, then it will be FAR more painful for her when things end. You will also have robbed of more time she could have used to heal from this breakup and find someone better suited to her.
Be brave and tell her the truth. Tell her that it’s not a commitment issue; it’s about your inability to commit to HER and that you can’t go further in this relationship as you find so many things wrong in it; the fault is not with her or with you; it’s not about blame. It’s about incompatibility.
Also, put yourself in HER shoes so you see the situation in its proper perspective: If YOU were deeply in love with someone and SHE wanted to end it, would you rather she told you the truth BEFORE you moved in together? Or would you prefer she waited until AFTER you live together and after you’ve invested all your time, effort, and emotion into this relationship?
If you really care for this woman, the least you owe her is the truth. It WILL be hard on her and it WILL take time for her to get over it. But she will. It’s far kinder to do the right thing now than to wait longer; waiting longer only increases her feelings for you and the pain she will feel when it ends. It’s only a matter of time before it ends as you can’t deny your true feelings forever. Remember you CAN care about someone deeply but know in your heart it’s not meant to be. The longer you wait on a dead-end relationship hoping things will change, the more heartbreaking it will be for BOTH of you when you tell her it’s over.
I hope the advice I gave helped you. You can find me anytime at anonymousletters.net I am an agony aunt who answers help letters for free. I like helping people and don’t like to see others in pain.