His ex says she is pregnant
By Agony Aunt | October 27, 2008
Please help - i don’t know what to do.
I was with my boyfriend for 7 years and we split up abput 2 years ago. In that time we both met other people. However, we have always kept in touch and he has always been my rock and for the last few months we have become close again and decided to take things slow and give it another go. About 2 weeks ago he decided to meet with his ex to tell her and to ask her not to contact him anymore. 4 days later she calls and tells him she is 2 1/2 mths pregnant. She wants to keep the baby, and he has told her he will support her as much as he can.
What do i do? i love him so much, but when i imagine him being a father its to my child - not someone elses. He also seems so worried of saying anything to stress her out in case she turns on him and refuses to let him see the child when he/she is born.
i don’t want to be selfish in this and know he has a lot on his plate - but i don’t know where i fit in all this. we haven’t even really made ‘us’ official again and i know his family will probably rather he made a go of it with his ex. But i am worried the jealousy and insecurity will kill me - what/where am i to be when she gives birth? what if she uses the baby to constantly be in touch? and my biggest fear, what if i prepare to turn my life upside down and support him and he goes back to her?
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Topics: Relationship Advice |
I think you’ve answered your own questions really. Your relationship with this man - though it may be loving in many ways- is just not stable enough, unfortunately, to withstand this storm. Keep in mind that when you first broke up after 7 long years together, you must have broken up for a reason. The reasons which made you leave each other haven’t changed. Seven years is a long time; long enough to know if it’s meant to be or time to say goodbye.
It IS hard to let each other go when you were together for so long, and obviously you have a strong friendship; hold onto that friendship- but let go of the relationship part. If it was meant to be you would NEVER have let each other go to begin with. But you DID part& you both met other people and started new lives. The fact you tried to get back together DOESN’T mean you’re right for each other; it only means you haven’t found someone who is right you. Holding onto each other for mutual support means clinging to the past instead of embracing the future.
You’re not officially together; after 7 yrs you still didn’t feel ready for marriage nor are you now. His ex is pregnant& at the very least he will need to stand by her emotionally& financially (even if he doesn’t wish to marry her) which will be incredibly draining on him (and on you if you stay with him) plus his lack of parental support - though is not the main reason- doesn’t help matters.
I just don’t think the relationship has the strength necessary for this and even though you love this man, if you stay in this relationship your love will be tested to such a point where it will slowly die. Even now you have trust issues which don’t bode well.
I advise you to heed the warning signs; your gut is telling you this relationship isn’t meant to be. You love this man but you deserve better. It’s time to let go. Let go of the past& end the relationship. By all means keep his friendship but give yourself permission to seek a better more healthy relationship- one that’s good & has trust. One that’s meant to last. Give yourself a new beginning.
I hope the advice I gave helped you. You can find me anytime at my website: anonymousletters.net
I am an agony aunt who answers help letters for free. I like helping people and don’t like to see others in pain.