He Hits Me

I started seeing my boyfriend about 2 years ago but had known him a few weeks prior to this. He was always making me laugh and I honestly thought I had found my “perfect man.” Now however, I think I can finally see him for what he really is and I am so scared I don’t know what to do.
He is now 21 and I am 19.

It all started about 6 months ago, we started arguing A LOT, and it led me to go into a mild depression. The man of my dreams didn’t seem to care really, he said he would try and not argue and it would last a day or two then the arguing would come back. Looking back though, there are a few things I could have done to help as well like not moan as much. But really, I think or I thought that I was giving him all he needed. I was basically just buying him things so that he didn’t argue with me or lending him money so that he wouldn’t moan. He would never ever buy me something spontaneously and I would be lucky if he would even buy me a bottle of juice at the shop. He said it was because he was a student – with no job, trying to live of his bursary. However, when I left school, I started college – but only briefly, I left 5 months in – I got a part time job in a shop and never had a bursary yet I still had enough money coming in every week to buy both me and him things and get out at the weekend.

The thing is, this guys parents basically brought him up to think that it’s okay to not get/ keep a job. His dad was an alcoholic who was in jail from when my boyfriend was 4 until 7/8ish, and is now a frequent gambler. And his mum, as nice as she is didn’t seem to bother about bettering herself. She married young (16) got pregnant young (17) and stayed with her husband through everything and now works as a cleaner and spends all her money at the bingo.

I have always been brought up to try and aim for things in life and to try and better yourself and it really annoys me when I know my boyfriend could be doing something better with his life etc but gives up at the first hurdle because he has never been made to try. He left school at 15 with next to no qualifications and now his parents just laugh at him and say I told you so when they could have been helping him in the first place.

Anyway, I am not here to rant about his parents, I am here for my own problem with him and it is basically that he hits me. I can’t remember exactly when it started, as I say, I think it may have been about 6 months ago. I don’t remember why it happened, but I know that we were probably arguing about me “leaving him” one night (I went out with my friends one night when he was ill and he went crazy because I wasn’t with him!!) Anyway, it’s basically always like one rule for me and no rules for him. He feels that he can get away with mistreating me or taking things out on me which I have entirely no control of at all – like if it is raining.

But I am totally sick off it!! The last time we argued was Saturday and this is what has made me decide he is not worthy of me anymore but the thing is I don’t know how to tell him or what to do as he keeps threatening me if I attempt to leave.
Saturday: We had stayed in on Friday night as I had just bought him an x-box 360 with Fifa 09 and when I got up on Saturday, he was still asleep so I went in the shower, washed my hair, got dressed and put some make up on – not something I normally do but I fancied a change!  When he got up however, he noticed that I had make up on and kept saying to me “why you got that all over your face” etc. I assumed that he was just having a laugh as I do not normally wear it.

He asked me if I wanted breakfast and I followed him in to the kitchen where he suddenly snapped, shouting at me about there being nothing to eat – I could not help this as we were in his house, not mine! I followed him back to his room where he sat on the bed and basically told me that I was nothing but a fat mess and he is disgusted by the size of me and that he does not want to go out with someone fatter than him, I told him if he cared that much why did he not just dump me and he said he isn’t going to just now but if I don’t lose a stone in a month he will.

I couldn’t believe that someone that used to be so nice and tell me I was beautiful etc was saying this about me – he has never commented on my weight before!! I wanted the ground to swallow me up, I just felt so embarrassed so I told him I was leaving but he jumped up and locked his room door and took the key leaving me trapped. We argued for a bit and I was crying, he kept telling me that I was a baby and that I should shut up and he started throwing things at me. I remember something hit me in the stomach but I am not sure what it was and now I have a huge bruise their and it is a dark purple/ blue colour. I lifted my top slightly to see if I was cut or anything as the pain was unbearable and he shouted at me “that’s just stretch marks fatty there’s no marks.”

I started crying again, and he grabbed my hair and dragged me over to the bed, as I tried to struggle free I scratched his neck and he went ballistic, he hit me a couple of times to the face and now I have a small bruise on my chin and a bite mark on my cheek. I don’t remember much off our fight, or what it was about. I just remember mostly me sitting crying on the ground and him saying horrible things and hitting me. I also have 2 huge bruises on my shin and one big bruise on my thigh. I am asthmatic and I was finding it hard to catch my breath from all the fighting and crying and I genuinely was needing my inhaler but he didn’t want to let me move to get my bag to get my inhaler.

My breathing eventually wound him up so much that he pulled a small knife out of his drawer and he told me he was going to kill me. He started stabbing the knife at me and sliced my finger with it, the size of the gash is about 2 inches. I couldn’t believe he was doing this to me and as soon as he saw what he had done he stopped. But as I sat on his bed, I couldn’t stop crying and he brought the knife back out again, threatening me with it again.

Thankfully though two of his friends came in and he let them in the room. This argument had went on for roughly 2 and a half hours and I know it’s not his parents duty to help me but I am pretty sure they could hear me crying and most of the argument yet never once at least shouted to see if we were okay.
This was basically the point where I knew I had to leave.

But the thing is, I don’t know how to. He has threatened that he will smash all my house windows, smash up my car, even take on overdose or kill himself some other way. I just don’t know how to cope. I don’t have a lot of friends that I can trust with this and the ones I have told have basically turned a blind eye. I thought by telling them they could maybe help me but it doesn’t seem that they can or even want to. Please someone help me..

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