Comments on: He is flirting with another women, I just gave birth

By: leigh

leigh — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 11:40:22 +0000

Of course guys feel no fear of sleeping around. The girls always have a little chat and, take them back. And like rats they do it from generation to generation. Infact sexist language comes with it, the stud and the slut. The cleaning wench and this is real mans work. There are things he can do and things she cant do where he does it. And it all exists because she accepts poor treatment.

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 04:04:20 +0000

I know exactly how u feel. When I was 3 months pregnant I found an e-mail conversation between my husband and partner of 16 yrs & some random on-line slut saying how much they wanted each other and he was inviting her to phone him while I was at work. Around the same time I found a number i didn’t recognise on our phone bill. I confronted him about the whole thing to which he insisted it was all “just a laugh” and he was winding this girl up not actually interested. After weeks of tears & deliberation I chose to forgive him and try to move on. Trouble is he has several on-line female friends now. He tells me everything they talk about & i have become friends with some of them. I am confident that he isn’t cheating on me but he can’t seem to understand why sometimes i get possessive & insecure. He spends hours on-line & has started texting & even phoning other women and sometimes all i hear all day long is him going on & on & on & on about these women. I keep voicing my concerns but he makes it out like i’m the one with the problem. Please someone tell me I’m perfectly within my rights to be pissed off. I want to trust him but its so difficult.

By: Ash

Ash — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 01:24:17 +0000

If I Was You…Id wait till hes at work with his lil whore on the side..take all his clothes and valubles and dump them out front and cover them in petrol and light then watch the look on his dirty cheating face!!!

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 21:14:42 +0000

if the flirting is by text and facebook it cant be that serious, he probably just wants a friend and didnt tell you because he thought you would panik.could you be over reacting?

By: Lindsey.

Lindsey. — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 11:51:22 +0000

Hi. I think whoever this guy is isnt exactly being a responsible person right now. Just giving birth to a baby and hes too busy texting someone else?! I think you really need to get him to sit down and get some one on one talking time and tell him exactly how you feel. Remind him he has two kids too help you look after and he is a dad, you dont want your children to see him talking to another woman in that way do you, otherwise they’ll think it’s ok. He wouldnt want you flirting with another man, so why let him away with flirting also?!

By: red spinach

red spinach — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:38:12 +0000

Well, I am going to give a revolutionary opinion on this topic:
I am assuming you two love each other-after all, you got married and had two kids. This shows there is love and a deep comittment there somewhere. Take this love and comittment seriously. This is what you need to remember I believe, and that will help your husband and yourself navigate difficult times like these. Any long-term committed close relationship is difficult. Changing (or leaving) partners often seem tempting to avoid problems but it doesn’t solve them.

So basically, what should guide your behaviour towards him and towards this current issue is that you are committed and there is no way you are giving up this marriage because committment and love are, precisely, committment and love and you take that very seriously. Act like that. In everything you do or say, talk and behave thinking you are in this marriage, this family, you take it seriously and treat your husband with respect AND you DEMAND and just ExpECT THE SAME THING from him. But don’t say “either you behave or I divorce”, that leads nowhere. By your behaviour and the things you say, always show you are committed and divorce is not an option, so both of you HAVE to work it out. You are a team! If one is misbehaving and being careless, it is the other’s duty to keep the team going and also say “hey, we are in this together, what’s wrong, where are you?”-and maybe be a bit patient, too. The right mix of being patient and demanding respect.

I mean… how do people who remain married for years and years and decades manage? They are tolerant and committed, I guess… At the moment, the problem you have is that your husband and yourself are going through different “phases” -you adjusting to motherhood and all that and him adjusting to your going through this motherhood process. At the moment, both of you need special attention and consideration from the other -you want attention and support from your husband, being a young mum who also needs to feel attractive as a woman (I am just guessing, I am not a mum, so I can’t speak from experience there). And your husband probably has complicated feelings -maybe he feels you are too busy with motherhood and wants more attention for himself, adjusting to fatherhood and feeling the weight of responsibility… Just guessing. I mean, the birth of a child is an event that changes everything in the universe of the couple, of course it is a time where man and woman are affected by it in different ways, it’s not simple to find a balance… In fact, it is quite normal you are having difficulties, I even dare say…

As far as specifically this flirting thing with this girl is concerned: well, I guess at the moment, having just had a baby two months ago, you feel outraged or/and sad because you feel he is flirting with someone exactly when he should do the opposite-not flirt with anyone, pay extra attention to you and show he is responsible towards you and the kids. And he does the exact opposite because himself he feels he is not getting the sort of attention he needs, he just wants to go out there and feel like he is a young and carefree bachelor or something…

Both of you are just expressing different emotional needs as a reaction to the birth of your baby -you want your husband at home with you making you feel safe and wanted and your husband wants to be out there seeking easy confirmation of his male sexiness. He finds it difficult to give you the reassuring feelings you want because he feels like his own emotional needs are not being met. All this is quite natural I would say… the trick is: when you have different emotional needs (like what is happening now), realise this is normal, be solidary and patient: YOU ARE A TEAM!!
This you both need to learn (it is hard-sounds like right now he doesn’t want to realise he is in a team with you, he wants to go selfishly show off his biceps or whatever to some girl who will demand nothing-easy!).
Try to be strong -and also make it clear to him what is not ok -you are a bit cool and tolerant because you are in a team with him but you won’t let him walk all over you, he can’t do that to you because you are a member of his team!!! Also: I’d say, trust your feelings and act on them. If this flirting thing feels wrong to you, the chances are you are not crazy. It doesn’t necessarily mean he is having an affair or ever had an affair with the girl. But when you get this funny feeling in your stomach that something is wrong, it probably is- you know him well, you pick up his tone of voice, his general behaviour, details, how close or far you feel he is from you, you notice and deep down you know when something is wrong. If you feel like it is too much flirt he does with this girl, stand for that – you are a member of this team (your husband and you), you have to stand for your feelings and make them heard by the other team member-demand that respect!! Maybe now this phase will be difficult, but don’t despair, it is quite normal to have difficult times where partners need to adjust to changing circumstances in life … you will both learn from it and become a better team, believe it and go for it!!

Ok, that was my 2 cents on that topic!! Hope no one fell asleep…
take care

By: leigh

leigh — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:55:25 +0000

Rain suggests its only a big deal because of women issues. That the male can receive texts infront of a wife and tell her it contains porn, probably later discovering its a women, porn where sex is obviously happening or about to happen. Behaviours such as this can cause delinquency in children. His wife has stayed with him. Every female giving advice is so soft, even talking to him. And a high vote to stay. Prediction is, by both sexes allowing it, it will continue to occur. Does this rain, mean the woman can do it and its a big deal because you have testostorone. Go for a jog. I know, how about both partners doing it and sitting in the lounge in front of the kid and receiving txts and calls. Maybe the kid will pick up the phone. But rain suggests its only a male thing and speaks to all males. Well males who feel that way according to the medical practice have psychological problems, so he is wrong. But getting a hell of a good life at the expense of others.

By: leigh

leigh — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 06:21:37 +0000

If his mother found out, how would she react. Would she tore shreds out of him, or if you told her, since she has to do with the welfare of the child, would you feel uncomfortable, and would she not give a damn about you really. Men are not to be blamed, they get so much.They are all different. It is the family and really a male is conditioned, and the one person he loves is mum. So if anything blame the women. He sees what she puts up with with dad or men, what types also. And usually she has a poor level of education. Its zero tolerance to violence, zero tolerance to that. And theres plenty out there who are safe to be with.

By: leigh

leigh — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 06:09:29 +0000

All guys are different just as are all females. A guy behaves as of what he has learnt from his mother as he loves her. Its the comments she makes over issues, such as responses to stories he tells her, or what she tell him to teach when he grows up, or the non-tolerance she demands to stop, and the expectations of how he should behave. He then thinks of the same standards from her. He either sloppy with no standards with a new born and telling you insensitively he receives texts of porn, with probably other traits such as a liar, maybe physically violent, or a scornful type, dirty, or with high standards, and wouldnt do this or condone this from a partner. Birds of a feather means the guy hangs out with the same type. A sloppy person continues to be a smoker, high standards gives it up, and they are strong people. His behaviour is abusive, adultery, hidden, insensitive and emotional abuse, so basically he’s a slob and he is that way because mum didnt show him to care for anyone else. Because of this the family courts are filled, and when they are in their 80′s they go to parlours looking for 16 year olds. Why even like him?

By: leigh

leigh — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 02:11:25 +0000

This is about the child. The child deserves a happy environment and one focused on the child. Because women have nurturing skills for a young baby, the woman should be respected. Often this does not occur by many men.And other men fail to defend this too. The males skills come in later for a child. Wasn’t it wonderful a child had two parents, but now enters a world where no-one cares about the newborn. Isn’t he meant to be the protector. Two adults have harmed the welfare of a child. What type of people are they. Its a tragedy. How you handle is your way. I’d tell my family doctor, i’d leave him, i wouldnt be able to ever forgive a play around cock