You don’t have to tell him directly how you feel about him (he may not be ready to hear it) but you should ask him out before someone else does. There’s nothing wrong with a casual invitation to lunch/ coffee/ the cinema, etc. Even long walks& jogging is good if you’re into exercise.

Give it time but make sure you date him before he starts dating someone else. Get to know his personality, interests, values. Don’t go for physical intimacy which will only cloud the issue. Go for real emotional intimacy and connection.

Once you REALLY know him, only then can you decide whether he’s the one for you and when you want to tell him that and see if it’s mutual.

If you really care about& respect your current girlfriend, you owe her the truth: That you love her but are just NOT ready for a serious commitment. That way nobody gets hurt.

Think about it this way. If the shoe was on the other foot& your girl wasn’t ready to settle down or fancied someone at work, would you rather she told you directly (even though it hurts) or would you rather she mainted the status quo while cheating on you with her co-worker on the side& you found them in a compromising position together?

Please treat others as you would have them treat you. Especially someone you say you love. Not committing to anyone till you sort yourself out& know WHO you want is an option. Cheating on someone and/or lying to someone you say you love shouldn’t be.

This is very serious and this man is a threat. You need to go to the police and file a complaint. This man might kill you if you stay. He’s abusing you and you mustn’t stay till he’s robbed you of your self-esteem and it’s too late.

Get out today. Pack your bags and go to your friends. Go while he’s at work so he doesn’t attack you. File a report with the police ASAP and get a restraining order. Change your phone number& DON’T take any calls from him. Keep your door locked. Be sure to report all his threats to the police. Go and see a lawyer if you have to. I’m sure your friends won’t throw you out if you go to them but you need to trust them NOT to tell him where you are.

If worse comes to worse, go to a woman’s shelter. But pls DON’T stay in this dangerous life threatening situation a day longer. You are putting your life in danger. This is a very SICK man. Don’t fool yourself he’ll change. It will only get worse and his parents are obviously too scared of him to help you.

Pls get out today when he’s work. Get out now before it’s too late. You DON’T want to be another statistic; another woman killed by her boyfriend. GET OUT TODAY.

Also, I advise you to eat 5 or 6 small meals a day as opposed to only 3 big ones. And don’t forget: 8 big glasses of water per day. Wish you all the best.

You don’t mention whether or not your parents are married& still together. If they are & yr father lives with you, it won’t be long before your father notices their odd behaviour and then it’s up to him - not you- how to handle it. If your parents are separated, then it’s up to your mother who she wants to be romantically involved with- though I would have hoped she’d have had the dignity to behave in a more discreet& appropriate manner around her daughter.

I’m sorry to say it but there isn’t much you can- or should- do. You can politely tell your mom that you don’t feel comfy around her when your godfather flirts with her& asks her about their relationship. You have to be prepared that she might tell you to mind your own business or refuse to discuss it. In which case your only option is to wait until you can find a job and move out.

If it helps you can talk to a third neutral party you trust; a friend or aunt who might shed more insight on the situation. But honestly my best advice is to just leave things alone till you’re able to live on your own.

The way to get through this is to build your self-esteem. First you should go out of your way to practice casual friendly touching with your good friends in front of your daughter, so she gets the hang. Get into the habit of kissing your good female or male friends on the cheek or hugging them in full view of your daughter. Touch your friends on the arm when you want to ask them something. Pat your friend’s hand when making a point. Get into the habit of casual every day social touching with good friends whom you trust. Do this when your daughter is present. THAT is the first step to overcoming your fear of being touched. Also, practice hugging family members (mom, dad, siblings, aunts) in front of your child.

Second, always walk with your head high and shoulders staight. Read books on self confidence and listen to free subliminal tapes you can get off the internet by going to such sites. Check out http://www.selfesteem4women.com You can get some great tips there for building self-confidence. The more confident you are, the less shaky you will feel when people touch you. Repeat mentally to yourself every day affirmations at least ten times (I am a strong confident woman).

Take deep breaths when you feel someone ( a stranger) approaching you and mentally prepare yourself that they might touch you on the hand or arm when making a point. Tell yourself that you’re going to feel relaxed when they do.

Taking up meditation or yoga can also have a calming effect as can writing a journal. Practice visualizing how confident& relaxed you want to feel around others.

Of course, all the above doesn’t mean you mustn’t be careful of strangers. Avoid being alone with a man you don’t know or whom you’re not comfy with is always wise to do. And if someone crosses a boundary when touching you or is inappropriate, then you move away& put them in their place.

Do deep breathing exercises (breathe in , inhale through the nose & exhale slowly through the mouth) and visualize nice thoughts, listen to subliminal confidence building tapes on your PC or relaxing music each night before going to bed.

If these methods don’t help you, you will need to consult a therapist for further help. Things WILL get better. It’s just a matter of time and practice. When your daughter’s older, you can always sit her down& discuss all these things with her to reassure her. I hope that things get better for you soon.

Sadly, there is NO fast formula for losing weight quickly. You have to follow a diet that’s not too strict which you can adhere to in the long run. Something like a boiled egg& half a grapefruit with one piece of brown toast and a cup of tea without sugar for breakfast, followed by a mid day snack like an apple, and a big salad and chicken roasted and eaten without skin with some roasted veggies for lunch. It’s best to skip dinner/ supper and not eat after 6 or 7 PM maximum.

You CAN and should have another light snack in the afternoon (after lunch). Acceptable snacks include: an apple, or an orange, (any type of fruit except bananas and mangos as they have too much sugar) or a pear or five dates. Another good snack would be a small low fat tub of plain or fruit yogurt. A cup of sugarless tea or coffee (or only one small spoon sugar) with two small plain biscuits is also acceptable. If you want a tasty snack, go for popcorn rather than crisps- as the former is less fattening.

You can eat chocolate but only half a bar. Dark or black chocolate is better than brown and avoid white chocolate altogether. Avoid junk food like hamburgers, pizza, crisps, and stuff like that. Try to eat a few nuts with some cut fruit like small apples and carrots for snacks. Also use only one small spoon of olive oil on salads, only a little salt, and as much vinegar as you want.

Cut down on: salt, sugar, olive oil, butter, junk food. Avoid fried food& eat only baked or roasted food. Eat loads of salads& fruits. Drink up to 8 glasses of water per day as it’s healthy and helps curb hunger.

Take lots of walks (even only a half hour leisurely walk 3 or 4 days a week) is better than nothing. Diets work better& faster when accompanied by exercise. Also, take the stairs instead of the elevator& if you have a desk job, get up and move as much as you can.

Eating half a grapefruit and drinking its juice before each meal is also recommended as is drinking 3 glasses of water with a small spoon of vinegar in each one. So, drink 5 glasses of plain water per day + 3 big glasses of water mixed with a small spoon of vinegar.

Go on a low fat& low sugar diet. Eat in moderation; DON’T go for seconds. Use small plates to eat on. If you can get into the habit of not finishing your plate& leaving something on it, it’s also good.

Whatever you do, don’t rush it. Unfortunately, it DOES take a lot of time to lose weight - sometimes even if it’s a small amount- so pls don’t get too discouraged. It helps to keep a diary and write down how much you eat each day, that way you won’t overeat. Also, try to wear clothes that flatter your figure. Dark clothes, trousers with a straight cut leg, long skirts. Avoid loose clothes as they only make you look bigger. If you have to shop in maternity wear, you might find great stuff. That’s what I did at size 16. Many places don’t cater to fuller figures sadly. Society still needs a long way to go before they cut out this obsession with thinness, so pls don’t let it get you down.

I’m sure you’re not grotesque, you probably have a great face & personality- but you’re suffering low self-esteem due to this weight problem. Having hobbies & going out with your friends to the movies will help get your mind off this subject- so it’s not on your mind 24/7. Pls give your self credit for your good points like intelligence and humour. Weight isn’t everything, though I know it seems like it in this appearance-obsessed world we live in.

If you are seriously overweight, you would benefit by visiting your doctor who could prescribe certain diet pills which are not risky to your health and/or antidepressants if you’re in need. Plus, a nutritionist could help you put together a good eating plan. You might even be able to get surgery, though you’d have to be careful what you ate after that.

You might be one of those people - like me- who take ages to burn weight. You might also be allergic to certain kinds of food, so have that - and your thyroid - checked out.

The best tip I can give you is also drink at least 4 cups of GREEN TEA per day- as this drink does help burn fat. But pls drink it WITHOUT sugar or it won’t be as effective. Consider it medicine if you don’t like the taste and drink it.

Finally, remember that any diet you go on is NOT permanent. After a month or so of being on your diet, when you feel an improvement, then you need to go off a strict diet (no one can keep it forever& it isn’t healthy to try) but you can go off it and then just make a LIFESTYLE OF HEALTHY EATING: LOW FAT, LOW SUGAR EATING. AVOID FRIED FOODS, GO FOR ROASTED, EAT IN SMALL AMOUNTS, LOADS OF WATER, DRINK GREEN TEA, DON’T EAT AFTER 6 PM, WALK A FEW TIMES A WEEK. AVOID JUNK FOOD.

You can also find interesting websites on the net if you press the word (diet) or (weight loss). Many sites have loads of good ideas for losing weight but they DO take time.

Walking with friends is a good idea and eating with people who eat healthy. Avoid people who eat fatty food as it can be hard to resist.

There is a new diet pill that’s supposed to be good. It suppresses the appetite& burns fat without harming the body. It’s called HOODIA GORDONI. Check it out on google. Write the word in the google search engine. You can find its website and tell your doctor about it. If he thinks it won’t harm you, he’ll prescribe it for you. It could help give you that boost you need to speed things up - along with diet and exercise.

Visualizing yourself ; seeing yourself with your dream body helps- so practice doing that nightly before you fall asleep.

I hope you lose your weight eventually and that you build up your self-esteem. Remember all the beautiful inner traits you have and keep manifesting how great you know you are till your outer beauty shines through. I know you can do this. If you get tempted to overeat at times& setbacks happen, don’t beat yourself, just pick yourself up and go on. You WILL get slimmer eventually but only aim at a size that’s realistic for you like size 16 or 18. I do hope I’ve helped you. Best of luck.

As for the second man, he may or may not be suitable. You can only find out by doing two things:

1- Break it off permanently with your ex; he’s bad for your self-esteem& don’t go running back when he begs you.

2- Believe in yourself & develop your self-esteem. Please don’t enter another relationship till you know what YOU want in a relationship AND you believe that you’re entitled to get it!

It’s your self-respect - NOT luck- and what you will& WON’T put up with in relationships that gets you the best deal in life. I wish you all the best.